Let’s say the economy has caused conditions...

Let’s say the economy has caused conditions at your company to be somewhat “fluid.” That once rocklike institution is in a “fully disengaged retreat mode” and showing a very definite “negative fiscal pattern.”

Still, you scoff at the notion that you could be jettisoned. There’s no way this firm can do without your wonderful judgment, your can-do attitude.

You have savvy, sir. Acumen.

Yes, you’re pretty darn special.

Just check the mirror. Waddya see? A winner.

The boss--a wonderful woman, by the way--would never, ever give you the ax.

There are some nagging little doubts, however. She’s been looking at you a little askew lately, and passing offhand comments that could be taken the wrong way.

Just recently she said: “Harry, a dull-witted chimpanzee could do your job.”

One day she asks you to step into her office. You notice that she’s wearing two tiny bits of barbed wire for earrings.

She offers you no coffee. She offers you no seat.

The fog lifts. Hombre, you’re staring into the abyss .

No problem. You’ve already ordered our video, “Corporate Commando,” from the local shopping channel, and studied it at home. You’ve learned how to coolly size up a potentially dangerous situation by deftly using our nine-step process. It puts you in the driver’s seat.

Now she’s like putty in your hands.

Job saved. In fact, you just might come out ahead in this. Your boss will probably throw a cash bonus at your feet.

Turn it down.

Instead, ask for a pair of roller skates. The L.A. Rollers Club offers weekend skating activities. For meeting locations and times, call (213) 964-5666.

Or a puppy. They’re loyal, trustworthy and enhance your self-esteem by slobbering all over you. For Pets Only will sponsor its “Tail End-of-the-Summer Puppy Party” from noon to 2 p.m. today at 1903 Hillhurst Ave., Hollywood. Admission is free. For reservations and information call (213) 934-8303.

She’ll probably apologize for the chimpanzee crack, and taking you for a lunkhead. Make her feel even more guilty by telling her that you’ll be attending a reading of T.S. Eliot’s poetry at the Marina Coffee Roaster, 552 Washington St., Marina del Rey, at 8 p.m. Wednesday. Admission is $10. For information, call (213) 305-7147.

What if she insists on buying you a car? Tell her you’d rather walk, and stroll over to the 1991 Los Angeles African Marketplace and Cultural Faire featuring children’s activities, dancing, music and entertainment. It will be held from 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. Saturday at Rancho Cienega Park, 5001 Rodeo Road, Los Angeles. Admission is free. For information, call (213) 237-1540.