Getting Wound Up in Arguments Over Eating Spaghetti

In trying to cope with our diverse culture there are more important problems than the proper way to eat spaghetti, but having opened the subject, I feel obliged to pass on some of the suggestions I have received.

You may recall that my own method is to push the spaghetti up against my upper incisors with my tongue, biting off the strings and allowing them to fall into the plate. This does not, however, meet with the approval of my wife.

I was shocked to find that the proper method according to “Miss Manners’ Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior” is simply to suck up, or slurp, the strands into the mouth. I consider that barbaric, and I was shocked to find it in Miss Manners’ (Judith Martin’s) book.

Among the numerous readers who have responded, only one recommended Miss Manners’ method. “Sometime back,” writes Jerry Zucker of Encino, “a very famous Italian was quoted as saying the best way to handle the trailing pieces from a fork was to slurp them. I have found this to be the best solution to the problem and recommend you do the same. (The Italian is Sophia Loren.)”

If Sophia slurps, that’s OK with me. I just don’t think I have the panache for it.

Most readers recommend the use of a fork in company with a large spoon, though Miss Manners dismissed the use of a spoon as uncivilized.

Royal Jackman of Ojai describes the fork-spoon method in detail, as observed by him in Italian restaurants. “The technique consists of simultaneously taking a fork in one hand and a large spoon in the other hand; the fork is inserted into the mess of spaghetti on the plate, tilting it slightly; twirl it a few times, and then as you raise the fork loaded with spaghetti off the plate, quickly place the spoon under the fork tines; a gentle up and down motion will cause separation of the strings of spaghetti, and with continued twirling the result will be a generous portion of spaghetti wound on the fork and held in place with the spoon; then, with one graceful upward motion, the fork is inserted into the mouth, the lips noiselessly closed, the fork slipped out, and the savory mastication begun.”

Easier said than done. A gentle up and down motion will not cause separation of the strings. In the end, one must bite off the strings or slurp them.

Giovanna Ciappazza Snellen of Vista recommends using just the fork, as described by Jack Dent Scott in “The Complete Book of Pasta.” He says: “Use just the fork. Push a small portion away from the rest of the pasta on your plate, then twirl it until a reasonable amount is nicely entwined on the fork. This is comparable to the etiquette of spooning soup away from you, or not trying to eat an entire piece of bread without first breaking it into pieces.”

I fail to see the parallel between those procedures. I have never, to begin with, seen any civilized reason for spooning soup away from oneself.

Virginia Martin also recommends a fork-only method. “One simply cuts the spaghetti with the side of the fork, before lifting it to the mouth, one bite at a time. No mess, no stringing. Neat.”

Can you imagine how long it would take to eat a plate of 18-inch spaghetti using that method?

Joseph W. Abato recommends cutting up the spaghetti into small lengths. “You will arrive at the proper length eventually. Try it, Jack. You will like it.”

I’ve tried it. Short strands of spaghetti are more likely to slip off the fork than long ones. One finds oneself ducking one’s head down to snap off a few strands before they slip off the fork and plop into the plate. Believe me, it’s worse than biting them off.

I am much heartened by the opinion of Nelson Fay of Encino, who says he doubts that anyone could claim to have come from a family more Italian than his. “And in a very clear, precise, perhaps even arrogant way, we were all taught how to eat pasta properly. And I must tell you you do it right!

“Your wife is either very lucky, or very skilled, or just better coordinated that most of us in wrapping the spaghetti around her fork, without strings, and popping it into her mouth.

“I’m sorry that your apparent ineptitude brings horror or disgust to her face, but we are not all blessed as she is. I have, on occasion, suggested to fellow diners to look the other way if my seeming sloppiness offended them, but there just isn’t any other way to do it. Period.”

If Miss Manners cares to revise her book, I offer her my method free of charge. It may not be civilized, but it works.