Texas-Oklahoma Has Become as Bland as No-Alarm Chili

Blackie Sherrod of the Dallas Morning News views the annual Texas-Oklahoma football game, which will be played today in Dallas, as a slice of Americana--”like the swallows returning to Capistrano and Ms. Elizabeth Taylor taking a husband.”

However, the rivalry has become a little too tame for Sherrod’s taste. It seems the tenor of the game now reflects the personalities of the coaches--boring.

Texas’ David McWilliams is a Darrell Royal protege, but he lacks Royal’s charisma. And Oklahoma’s Gary Gibbs is certainly no Barry Switzer, which, in truth, is what school officials wanted in the wake of the Sooner crime wave that preceded Switzer’s resignation.

Writes Sherrod: “How can you stage a Texas-Oklahoma game without a Black Bart to hiss? You might as well try to make chili without garlic. Or approve a Supreme Court jurist without argument.”

The names sound familiar: Texas fans had better hope that their team has more on the ball than the editors of the school’s athletic department magazine, Stampede.

In its most recent issue, the magazine devoted four pages to a list of “missing” lettermen and urged readers to contact the school if they had any knowledge of the former Longhorns’ whereabouts.

Included on the list of the missing: Cleveland Brown running back Eric Metcalf, New England Patriot center Gene Chilton and Philadelphia Phillie pitcher Bruce Ruffin.

Trivia time: Two schools have dropped out of the NCAA’s Division I for the 1991-92 basketball season. Name them.

Sales pitch: Leonard Shapiro of the Washington Post writes that he counted 90 commercials and 19 network promotional spots during the CBS telecast of Tuesday night’s American League Championship Series game. As for Wednesday night’s National League Championship Series game, Shapiro writes: “I was up to 64 commercials through 6 1/2 innings when the overwhelming urge to snooze until the news came upon me.”

Sales pitch II: Joe Montana has found his elbow injury to be a plus in at least one respect. The 49er quarterback is now a spokesman for a pain reliever.

Montana, who had surgery Wednesday to reattach a torn tendon in his right elbow, joins tennis player Jimmy Connors in a 30-second television commercial in which both discuss their aches and pains.

Montana: “I’m hurting, Jimmy. . . . I’m talking football pain.”

Connors: “So (take the medication). I did it. You can do it.”

49er lament: Were it only that easy.

Room to roam: How thoroughly have the upstart Atlanta Braves captivated their city? With the Braves on TV in the second game of the NL playoffs Thursday night, a crowd estimated at 1,200 showed up at the Omni (capacity 16,371) for an NBA exhibition game between the Hawks and the Dallas Mavericks. And that’s with a $4 ticket promotion by a local pizza establishment.

Switching gears: How is former Rutgers and NBA player James Bailey keeping busy these days?

According to National Dragster, the weekly publication of the National Hot Rod Assn., Bailey is racing at tracks in New York and New Jersey.

Trivia answer: U.S. International University in San Diego and Augusta (Ga.) College.

Quotebook: Texas offensive tackle Chuck Johnson, on why he likes to beat Oklahoma: “Their fans are obnoxious. Come to think of it, our fans are obnoxious, too. And we’re pretty obnoxious to each other on the field.”