Forgive me for being so languid. It’s...

Forgive me for being so languid. It’s the Long, Hot Fall. The air conditioner groans, every molecule shimmers, the walls themselves seem to bead with perspiration.

Fetch me a tall, frosty trifle, will ya? And don’t skimp on the ice cubes.

Oppressive, that’s what it is. I do believe I’m suffering from heat prostration. Delirious.

Who’s there?

Mother?

Mother, is that you?

Why are you wearing that pith helmet?

There. In the distance.

A park. Very green. An oasis for this suburban Bedouin.

Pull the car over, mother, quick.

Let me run loose like a stallion at the 11th annual Equestrian Day, being held at the Ranch House at Will Rogers State Historic Park, from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. today. It’s only $5 per car. Call (213) 454-8212.

It’s gone. Must’ve been a mirage. Drive on.

What would make me cooler?

A kilt, for one thing.

Santa Monica Parks and Recreation will present an eight-week Scottish country dancing class at Virginia Park Community Center, 2200 Virginia Ave., Santa Monica, at 7 p.m. Wednesdays. The fee is $24. Call (213) 377-1675.

Think cool.

Think of “The Simpsons,” whose creator, Matt Groenig, is among celebrity participants and artists (Whoopi Goldberg, David Hockney, Paul Newman and Garry Trudeau are others) in an art and doodle show being held to benefit cancer research.

The exhibit and a silent auction will take place at the Rotunda, Two Rodeo Drive, Beverly Hills, from 6:30 to 9:30 p.m. Thursday. Admission is $35. Call (213) 476-4677 for reservations.

C’mon baby, light my fire.

Vidiots, 302 Pico Blvd., Santa Monica, is holding a book signing and discussion with John Densmore, drummer for the Doors, at 9 p.m. Friday. It’s free. Call (213) 392-8508.

Spring, summer, fall and winter.

Count ‘em. “The Four Seasons.”

So why is nature these days stuck on just one?

Thank goodness the Los Angeles Chamber Orchestra will address the entire Vivaldi work at 8 p.m. Saturday at Royce Hall, UCLA. Tickets are $25, $28 and $32. Call (213) 622-7001.

Get that thermometer away from me.

I’m all right, ma. I’m only sweating.