Magician Crane Has Hat in Ring and Needs to Pull a Rabbit From It

There are the no-nonsense candidates for San Diego mayor with their no-nonsense resumes and their no-nonsense platforms.

Then there is Loch David Crane.

He lists himself as a “professor, property manager, prestidigitator.” He cites among accomplishments building the Star Trike (a VW-engine-powered three-wheeler straight from “Star Trek”).

He looks like Buffalo Bill and often startles campaign audiences by opening his “flame wallet.”

He promises to support public executions and replace the ozone. How, you ask, will he replace the ozone?

“Frankly, by smoking pot. It’s a scientific fact that cannabis replaces ozone.”

He’s 43 years old, unmarried (“I’m a flaming heterosexual”), a Point Loma native and a graduate of San Diego State University. He does magic.

After several accidents, he’s a semi-reformed motorcyclist. He teaches business writing at National University and manages property owned by his parents.

He’s run twice for City Council and now twice for mayor. He campaigns with gags, rap songs and cartoons. He says he has only just begun to run.

“I love running for office, I love the crowds, I love to perform, I love having large groups of people in the palm of my hand.”

He thinks he serves a purpose:

“I provide a sense of the emperor’s new clothing: the fact that the incumbents are naked. They’re posing and posturing, but you can’t drink the water, you can’t flush (the water) and sometimes you can’t breathe.”

He notifies the Federal Elections Commission and the FBI when he’s not invited to forums: “I’ve been discriminated on by lesbians and labor leaders alike.”

He’s got a pithy analysis for each of his foes:

Ron Roberts: “An ineffective incumbent. An incumbetent.”

Susan Golding: “She couldn’t supervise her own husband, how can she be trusted to supervise the whole city?”

Tom Carter: “A nice guy, Cleator-like, not a very strong speaker.”

Peter Navarro: “If I wasn’t running, I’d vote for him.”

Loch David Crane has no identity problems.

“I’m a hippie from the 1960s, a hometown radical.”

Bates and the Frito Bandito

Fun in the 50th.

* Jim Bates, trying for a comeback in the 50th Congressional District, is being slammed by local Democratic leader Irma Munoz for being pictured (on a fund-raising T-shirt) wearing a serape and sombrero.

Munoz: “This derogatory and harmful historic depiction is an act of utter disrespect and only serves to reinforce negative cultural perceptions, which foster hostility and distrust toward our community.”

Bates says no offense was meant:

“Ethnic politics are as old as America. I’ve eaten bagels and cream cheese; worn serapes and been presented with and appeared in dress from the Philippines and Vietnam--and Native Americans, too.”

* For candor, it’s hard to beat the explanation that State Sen. Wadie Deddeh (D-Chula Vista) scribbled a few years ago to explain a $1,000 honorarium from the California Assn. of Collectors:

“Discussed legislation affecting them that I am carrying for them and propositions.”

Let’s see: Deddeh introduces a bill for the bill collectors, and the bill collectors give him a $1,000 honorarium (which goes into the pocket, not the campaign treasury).

Expect the $1,000 honorarium to be an issue in the final weeks of his race in the 50th Congressional District.

Police Nemesis Nailed

For several months, San Diego cops have been bedeviled by a 31-year-old cabdriver.

They’d be sitting in their cars at night writing reports or on a stakeout, and he’d come up behind them in his cab and hit the high beams.

Finally, he chased a cop car northbound on Interstate 5 at speeds up to 80 m.p.h.

Last week, the tables were turned: One judge fined him $2,045 for equipment violations (loose steering wheel, seats not bolted down, etc.), and another fined him $200 for the bizarre I-5 chase.

Both judges issued the same warning: Any more funny stuff and your license, your liberty and your bank account will all be impacted, negatively.