Got to Get Up Early to Mess With Cubs

Fay Vincent, commissioner of baseball, has been busy commissioning. This week he commissioned the realignment of baseball’s divisional architecture, uprooting the Chicago Cubs against their will, while theoretically acting “in the game’s best interest.”

So what happened?

The Cubs, who once demanded the right to play at least half of their 162 games in the daylight, are now ticked off because some of their road games are going to be played too late at night.

You simply can’t inconvenience those Cubs, boy. Because the company that owns WGN television and radio also owns the ballclub, WGN wants to be able to schedule Cub games whenever they darn well please.

In other words, it was OK with the Cubbies that West Coast teams had to be prepared to play baseball at Wrigley Field at 11:30 in the morning, Pacific time, even after a hard day’s flight. But how dare baseball ask the Cubs to play more of their games at 9:30 p.m., Central time, and keep TV viewers up so late?

For a pregame workout at Wrigley, a visiting team from Los Angeles, San Diego or San Francisco probably had to report to the park 2 1/2 hours before a 1:30 p.m. start. That is 9 a.m. in California.

With breakfast, a shower and shave, that means National Leaguers from the West Coast had to wake up around sunrise to be on time for the bus to the ballpark.

On occasion, this same team had played the previous evening, possibly in St. Louis or Cincinnati, possibly into extra innings, and would not even arrive at their hotel in Chicago until 2 or 3 a.m.

Inconvenience the Cubs?

Aw, what a pity.

Meanwhile, the very people who wailed about Bowie Kuhn or hockey’s John Ziegler being “do-nothing” commissioners are now disappointed in Vincent, a do-something commissioner.

Even Bill White, the president of the National League, who makes a strong comment on something about once every leap year, insisted that the commissioner had overstepped the bounds of his authority.

Well, two things:

One, it takes backbone to make tough decisions, and Fay Vincent makes tough decisions.

Two, the fuss over the Cubs changing divisions will blow over about as quickly as the fuss about them installing lights at Wrigley Field blew over.

By the turn of the century, their most heated rivalry might be with the Colorado Rockies. In 1962, the New York Mets were the worst thing ever to hit baseball. By 1969, the Mets were winning the World Series.

A little change never hurt anybody.

And, in that very spirit, word has reached this newspaper that Fay Vincent is about to order several other radical changes “in the game’s best interest.”

Here they are:

--Chicago no longer will be in Illinois. From now on, Chicago will be in Indiana.

--WGN is now Channel 8.

--Cub batters now get four strikes for a strikeout, three balls for a walk.

--Night games at Dodger Stadium involving the Cubs will, henceforth, begin at 5:30 p.m. rather than 7:30. This way, when Los Angeles fans leave at 9 o’clock, the game will, in all likelihood, be over.

--Ryne Sandberg may bat both leadoff and cleanup in the same game.

--Any game still being played at 2 a.m., Chicago time, will automatically be awarded to the Cubs, even if the score at that point is tied.

--Ernie Banks gets to be eligible for the World Series without being on the roster in September.

--The San Francisco Giants can move to Iowa, no questions asked.

--As a good-will gesture from the Mets, the ’69 pennant now belongs to the Cubs.

--Baseball hereby promises Harry and Skip Caray, Marty and Thom Brennaman and all future father-son broadcasters to end their divisional rivalry and promote love and togetherness.

--The TV executive who owns the Padres will trade syndication rights to “The Cosby Show” and “Roseanne” to WGN for the rights to “Bozo’s Circus” and a program to be named later.

--No Cub salary cap.

--Like other National League West teams, the Cubs now get to hammer the Houston Astros any time they like.

--The commissioner vows to intervene the next time the Cubs are about to pull one of those knucklehead Brock-for-Broglio deals.

--WGN gets exclusive rights to Florida Marlin old-timers’ games.