Help for Parents in Their Hour of Need : Families: The late afternoon is a tough time to be a parent--or a child. Here are some survival tips from one who knows.

Some parents call it the Arsenic Hour.

Others know it by the antidote--the Scotch Hour or, more civilly perhaps, the Sherry Hour.

None, however, confuses it with Happy Hour, a time of lying back and letting go. That is but a vague memory of another life for most parents.

The Arsenic Hour comes in late afternoon or early evening, before dinner and evening routines. The origin of the term is vague, although parents almost universally grasp its message.

“It’s a poisonous hour, a ghastly hour,” says Marguerite Kelly, who referred to it in rhyme in “The Mother’s Almanac I,” the book she wrote in 1975 with Elia Parsons:

Between the nap and the twilight

When blood sugar is becoming lower,

Comes a pause in the day’s occupations,

That is known as Arsenic Hour.

Kelly, a mother and grandmother, picked up the term from a former neighbor in Washington, she says.

For parents who work outside the home, the Arsenic Hour is the time when the family gets back together and when parents start their hard jobs. For parents who stay at home, it’s not a party either.

“I think working mothers tend to take every possible problem and feel guilty about it, but this is not a new thing,” says Kelly, who also writes a syndicated column, “Family Almanac.”

The Arsenic Hour comes on about 5 p.m. and wears off about 7, and is, unfortunately, not limited to 60 minutes. It is marked by confusion, irritability, whining and wailing--not all perpetrated by the youngsters in the family.

The stresses of this time of day are partly caused by physical needs--for food and rest--and partly by emotional ones--for attention and comfort.

These needs go both ways, as children are not the only ones who are tired and hungry or looking for a soft shoulder.

“There is a lot of tension because the mother is so tired,” Kelly says. Fathers, too. The Arsenic Hour is usually the most difficult for whichever parent arrives home first or picks the children up from school or day care.

“Parents hold together emotionally at work. Children hold together emotionally at day care. Everybody has held in the hurts or the perceived hurts,” and they are ready to let go as soon as they get home, says Carol Seefeldt, a professor of child development at the University of Maryland at College Park.

There are also expectations that add to the confusion. These, too, go both ways.

For instance, a parent who cannot wait to see her child is disappointed when her preschooler shows more interest in the sandbox than in Mom or when her 2-year-old resists leaving day care and cries all the way home.

Likewise, a third-grader might be bursting to tell Dad all about his field trip or spelling test, only to find him preoccupied with office politics or the nightly news.

“Everybody wants to be selfish, just for a short period of time,” says Susan White, the working mother of a 3-year-old daughter.

Kelly believes that the secret to a calm homecoming begins with basics: food first, then a bit of rest. “I think food is about the biggest thing to help it,” she says, suggesting that both parents and children eat a high-protein snack in late afternoon. This keeps hunger down and energy up, she adds.

“A half-glass of milk and a hard-boiled egg is better than a cup of coffee,” she suggests. “Go slow on sugar.”

“This is the time when you pay for any imbalance accumulated from the day’s diet,” Kelly writes in her book. “An overdose of carbohydrates and sugar--of cookies or alcohol or the caffeine in sodas, tea and chocolate, as well as in coffee--drop the blood sugar level. This causes fatigue and bad temper.”

And now for rest.

Young children can often be coaxed into a little rest with Mom--again, just 15 minutes--in a dark room, Kelly says. “This gives Mother enough energy to turn around supper.”

This type of break is essential to the coming-home parent and to parent-child communication, Bond says. Children often want to share what has happened to them during the day, but they are reluctant if mom or dad seems preoccupied.

Once physical equilibrium is restored, it is good for parents and children to spend a few uninterrupted minutes just getting back together. This can be a quiet time sitting together, looking at a book or listening to music or taking a quick walk. Then everyone can get on with the business of the evening--dinner, homework, outside obligations.

There seems to be little reluctance, among experts, to letting children watch television during this time before dinner--to help the child unwind, to give the parent some time in the kitchen or to let both parents have some adult conversation. With videos and VCRs, it is possible for parents to more easily control what the kids are watching.

Parents can even “serialize” long movies, allowing their children to watch 20 minutes per night, Kelly suggests. Give them some raw vegetables and let them veg out--literally--in front of the TV for a few minutes, she adds.

Stay-at-home parents can employ these tactics, too, especially those pertaining to food, Kelly says. And these parents often have an advantage. They can bathe children, which relaxes them, or, in nice weather, go to a park or pool, which relaxes and tires them, before starting dinner.