At least she didn’t go any further:...

At least she didn’t go any further: Among all the overpriced, autographed sports and show biz items on sale at the Ticket Time outlet in the Broadway Plaza downtown, there’s one true L.A.-type treasure: Madonna’s MTV Mega Artist award, priced at just $1,600.

You don’t think that’s a bargain?

Well, the price tag points out that this is the trophy “which she licked on national TV!!”

78th day of captivity: Still no news, by the way, on the whereabouts of Madonna’s bustier , which was lifted from the Bra Museum at Frederick’s of Hollywood during the riots. Not even a ransom note.

Topless outfielders . . . : Ironically, in “A League of Their Own,” Madonna plays a professional baseball player who mentions the possibility of hyping attendance by baring her breasts during a game. “You think,” asks a teammate, “there are men in this country who ain’t seen your bosoms?”

And an affair in the infield: While “A League of Their Own” is a nostalgia piece, baseball gets a futuristic look in the new novel, “The Dreyfus Affair.” Futuristic and perhaps fantastical. After all, in the book the San Fernando Valley has a major league team, the L.A. Valley Vikings, who play in a 125,000-seat stadium in the Sepulveda Dam Recreation Area.

The main characters in the farce are a white male shortstop and a black male second baseman, who have a secret romance until they are videotaped in an embrace by a security camera in the dressing room of a department store.

Racist and homophobic elements then try to pressure the commissioner into suspending the players while the Vikings are trying to bring the Valley its first World Series title and . . .

No, we’re not going to give away the ending, Van Nuysites.

And you thought bureaucrats were humorless: One city agency in Glendale spoofs itself with a clever door sign (see photo).

Slouching towards Washington: An L.A. Superior Court judge has thrown out four elements of a lawsuit brought by U.S. Rep. Robert Dornan against United Airlines, which ejected him for refusing to straighten his seat before a takeoff.

Two of the Orange County Republican’s claims, including defamation, were allowed to stand.

Dornan, pleading hip and back trouble, had an angry exchange with flight crew members before being given the thumb from an L.A.-Washington, D.C. flight.

Ex-L.A. City Atty. Burt Pines, representing United, pointed out Wednesday that it wasn’t as though “the stewardess had poked Mr. Dornan in the eye.”

How dare Pines plant that idea in the subconscious of flight attendants who may deal with Dornan in the future!

miscelLAny:

What appropriate country manufactured the hats given away by the Dodgers on Cap Night? Why, Sri LAnka , of course.