Maid Marian Zips Up, While Mozart ‘Uses His Noodle’

In writing the other day about movie anachronisms I merely scratched the surface.

An anachronism is an artifact, an expression or a style that is shown out of its time--for example, an Edsel in a movie about World War I. There are, of course, many other kinds of errors in movies, most caused by the complexities of continuity. (The heroine is shown wearing gold shoes at one moment, red the next.)

Reader Mary Peate, who sparked these reflections, complained that “Dances With Wolves” had so many anachronisms in the dialogue that she gave up on it after 15 minutes.

Peter Berry, an academic who chooses not to use his own name (“In my profession, an interest in words or a sense of humor are considered quite suspect”) agrees with Ms. Peate, complaining that “Wolves” “abounds with painfully ignorant anachronisms. . . . Everyone in that movie talked like a California surfer.

“In all my studies of Western historical documents,” he says, “I have no record of anyone ever stating that ‘We have a problem here,’ as both Indians and soldiers did in “Wolves.”

He recalls a fruity line from a medieval classic whose name he has unfortunately forgotten. He thinks the star was Bronx-born Tony Curtis in a Prince Valiant hairdo. “He and his party crest a painted hill to perceive a painted castle, all turreted and bosomed high with tufted trees. ‘Yonda,’ he says, ‘lies de castle of my foddah.’ ”

Tom Schlesinger of La Mesa recalls that in “Amadeus,” the Austrian emperor responds to a suggestion of Mozart’s by exclaiming (in paraphrase), “That’s using your noodle!” Schlesinger doubts that that expression would have been current in Mozart’s time.

Rex Sparger, who has written a book about movie dialogue, says, “Shame on you” for my complaint about “lapses of grammar in lines,” arguing that lines should reflect “how people talk,” not good grammar.

What I complained about was “lapses of grammar in lines spoken by supposedly cultivated people.” When a college professor says, “I’d like you to have dinner with my wife and I,” I suspect it is the screenwriter who doesn’t know his grammar, not the professor.

Bill Givens sent me copies of his two books on this subject--”Film Flubs” and “Son of Film Flubs” (Citadel Press). “Film Flubs III: The Sequel,” is in the works.

Since his books were published, Givens says, he has received thousands of tips from moviegoers about flubs. He reports that “Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves,” was full of them. Robin’s sidekick, Azeem, used gunpowder, a telescope and a Saracen scimitar, none of which existed in the movie’s 12th-Century time frame.

Baseball movies are especially prone to error, Givens says, despite the fact that millions of baseball fans are familiar with the game’s statistics. In “The Babe Ruth Story” (1948), the Babe is shown rounding the bases after hitting his 60th home run in 1927. The stadium is festooned with beer and whisky ads, though 1927 was a Prohibition year.

In “Field of Dreams” Shoeless Joe Jackson is shown batting right-handed. Joe batted left-handed. In “The Pride of the Yankees,” the Babe and Lou Gehrig promise a sick boy to hit home runs for him. Ruth hits one home run and Gehrig two. In no game did this actually occur.

A common anachronism occurred in Disney’s “The Story of Robin Hood.” Maid Marian is shown wearing a dress with a zipper in it. In “Camelot,” Richard Harris as King Arthur is shown with a Band-Aid on his neck. In “Mysterious Island,” set in 1860, a hot-air balloon floats past a nest of television antennas.

Historical minutiae overlooked are evident in “Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade.” When Jones asks Hitler for an autograph, Der Fuhrer signs it Adolph with his right hand. The name was Adolf and Hitler was left-handed.

The appearance of wristwatches in ancient times is among the most common anachronisms. In “Spartacus” several soldiers are seen wearing wristwatches and others are shown going into battle in tennis shoes. In “The Crusades” the king actually flips back his robe and looks at his watch.

An interesting anachronism in usage occurs in “Victor/Victoria,” which takes place in the 1930s. The word gay occurs several times, though it did not come into common usage as a pseudonym for homosexual until decades later. Oh, well, let’s overlook it. If the film had used the words in use in the 1930s, the result would have been havoc.

Sometimes an attempt at authenticity backfires. In “A Man for All Seasons,” Thomas More picks up some books to examine. They are dusty and tattered, as old books are. But in More’s time, wouldn’t the books have been new?

But the one that bothers me the most is the presence of a handy parking place in front of every Los Angeles building--public or residential. If only it were true.