THE BOTTOM TEN : They’re Gaining Ground but Have a Long Way to Go

THE COLLEGES

Arkansas State is making progress. True, it was drubbed, 0-31, by Northern Illinois last Saturday and has been outscored, 0-141, this season. But at least Arkansas State reduced its average margin of destruction from 55 to 47 points. At this rate of improvement, Arkansas State could be losing by fewer than three touchdowns in another month or so.

Bottomless Pitt (1-2), meanwhile, moved up to No. 3 with an impressive setback to Rutgers. Coach (as of today) Paul Hackett pointed out that the Panthers’ record is misleading: “We’re 0 for 3 in terms of quarterback performance this year.”

Speaking of complaints, this was the lament of State Penn flanker O.J. McDuffie after a 52-7 romp over Eastern Michigan: “The game today went on forever.”

The rankings:

School, Record Last Loss Next Loss 1. Arkansas State (0-3) 0-31, Northern Illinois Southern Illinois 2. Michigan State (0-2) 31-52, Notre Dame B.C. 3. Pitt (1-2) 16-21, Rutgers Minnehaha 4. Texas (0-2) Idle North Texas 5. Minnehaha (0-2) 20-21, Colorado Pitt 6. Pepperdine (0-0) Idle Idle 7. (Tie) Northwestern (0-3) 24-35, Stanford Healing 7. BYU (1-2) 10-17, UCLA Hawaii 9. Arkansas (1-2) 11-38, Alabama Memphis State 10. Nebraska (0-10)* 14-29, Washington Arizona State

11. LSU (1-2); 12. South Carolina (0-3); 13. Utah State (0-3); 14. Maryland (0-3); 15. Rice (0-2); 16. Colorado State (0-3); 17. Penn (0-1); 18. Idle; 19. Louisville (1-2); 20. Florida (1-1).

*Record in last 10 games against Top 5 teams.

Rout of the Week: Hawaii (2-0) over BYU (1-2).

*

1992 All-Jurisprudence Offensive Team (players and alleged offenses): QB Garrick McGee (Arizona State), burglary; QB Grady Benton (Arizona State), stolen credit card; RB Terrell Fletcher (Wisconsin), aggravated battery; RB Jason Marucci (Miami, Fla.), fraud; WR Lamar Thomas (Miami, Fla.), fraud; WR David Palmer (Alabama), drunk driving (twice); WR Kevin Washington (Maryland), forgery, theft; WR Derrick Land (Arizona State), stolen credit card; WR Ricky Sales (Penn State), burglary, theft; WR Bobby Engram (Penn State), burglary, theft.

Designated Fan: Rollen Frederick Stewart, who displayed Bible quotations on signs for two decades at televised sporting events while wearing a rainbow-colored wig. He was arrested at an L.A. Hyatt Hotel Tuesday on suspicion of making bomb threats and holding a maid hostage.

*

THE PROS

The surf’s down in the NFL. Two of the league’s most illustrious hot-doggers, San Diego Charger General Manager Bobby Beathard and Raider quarterback Todd Marinovich, are winless.

Beathard, who moved from the Washington Redskins to the Chargers partly because of his love for the sea, is building a real Bottom Ten House of Sand in San Diego (10-25 over three years).

Marinovich, who occasionally surfs in the nude, said, “I’m stoked,” when told he would start against the Cleveland Browns. But you have to wonder why management placed him in such stormy waters in his 1992 debut. Here he was, matched against powerful Cleveland and consensus All-Pro quarterback Todd Philcox, who is even more dangerous when he plays with a broken thumb (as he proved in the second half). And the game was in the Coliseum, where more than 8,000 Browns’ fans had purchased tickets.

The result was predictable: A 16-28 Raiders’ setback. And several frowns from owner Al Davis in his non-luxury box.

The rankings:

THE MILD, MILD WEST

Team, Record Last Loss Next Loss 1. San Diego (0-3) 6-23, Pitt Houston 2. Raiders (0-3) 16-28, Cleveland K.C. 3. Rams (1-2) 10-26, Miami (Fla.) N.J. Jets

THE WORST OF THE REST

Team, Record Last Loss Next Loss 1. Olde England (0-2) 6-10, Seattle Buffalo 2. N.J. Jets (0-3) 14-31, S.F. Rams 3. Phoenix (0-3) 20-31, Dallas Idle 4. Toronto (3-8) 29-36, BC Saskatchewan 5. Chicago (1-2) 14-27, Giants Atlanta

WORLD LEAGUE (1993 SCHEDULE)

Idle.

Quotebook: KCBS-TV announcer Jim Hill said on his postgame show Sunday that the Rams went into their game against the Miami Dolphins seeking “to even their record.” At 1 1/2-1 1/2?

*

A rocket lands off the mark: Rocket Ismail of the Toronto Argonauts was fined $10,000 after he twice kicked Calgary’s Andy McVey and attempted to jump on McVey’s head with both feet but missed.

*

Ah, the insights of ex-coaches: NBC’s brainy guest commentator Buddy Ryan, attempting to explain why the image of Eagle cornerback Andre Waters as a cheap-shot artist is unwarranted: “I think his reputation has been enhanced by the media.”