COMMENTARY : Here’s the Bottom Line on the First-Half NFL Story Line

Give us a break . . .

STORY LINE: The NFL announces that pop star Michael Jackson will entertain at halftime of Super Bowl XXVII in Los Angeles.

BOTTOM LINE: After nausea hits you, take a deep breath, get plenty of rest and see the next item.

STORY LINE: New York Giants Coach Ray Handley blames Giants fans for undermining the team’s home-field advantage.

BOTTOM LINE: Coach, have you ever heard of Michael Jackson’s song, “The Man in the Mirror”?

STORY LINE: The Houston Oilers are going to the Super Bowl.

BOTTOM LINE: For $175 a ticket, they get in.

STORY LINE: Steve Young leads the National Football Conference in passing, is averaging 9.6 yards per carry and has San Francisco tied for first place in the NFC West.

BOTTOM LINE: See, we told you Steve Bono should be the quarterback.

STORY LINE: Although he is short on resources, Jim Mora has New Orleans at 6-2 and tied with the 49ers in the NFC West.

BOTTOM LINE: Another solid coaching job; the Saints will still lose their first playoff game.

STORY LINE: Steelers rookie Coach Bill Cowher has swept the Oilers and has his team in the American Fooball Conference Central lead.

BOTTOM LINE: See, we told you the Steelers should have hired Joe Greene.

STORY LINE: Tampa Bay quarterback Vinny Testaverde gets benched again but says he believes Coach Sam Wyche when Wyche says he hasn’t lost confidence in him.

BOTTOM LINE: Ten thousand real-estate agents just lined up outside Vinny’s house to pitch him some Florida swamp land.

STORY LINE: Atlanta Falcons Coach Jerry Glanville, Wyche’s good buddy, displays a trophy proclaiming the Falcons, “California State Champions” in Candlestick Park just before kickoff October 18.

BOTTOM LINE: Glanville has a better chance of finding Elvis alive than he had of beating the 49ers that day. Final: 56-17.

STORY LINE: Chicago Coach Mike Ditka cusses his quarterback and insults the media.

BOTTOM LINE: Is there something new here?

STORY LINE: The New England Patriots are winless amid front-office chaos.

BOTTOM LINE: See Ditka’s bottom line.

STORY LINE: The Detroit Lions finish the first half with a 2-6 record.

BOTTOM LINE: From first to worst.

STORY LINE: Barry Sanders is in a slump.

BOTTOM LINE: Emmitt Smith and Thurman Thomas couldn’t combine for 100 yards rushing behind the Lions’ depleted offensive line.

STORY LINE: After starting 0-4, new San Diego Coach Bobby Ross has won four consecutive games.

BOTTOM LINE: Maybe Bobby Beathard did find him another Joe Gibbs, who started 0-5 in his first season as coach of the Redskins in 1981.

STORY LINE: Bill Arnsparger, the Chargers’ defensive coordinator, has his unit ranked among the top five NFL defenses.

BOTTOM LINE: Obviously, Arnsparger’s nine-year absence from the league left him behind the trends.

STORY LINE: Denver Broncos Coach Dan Reeves can’t get an extension from Owner Pat Bowlen on a contract that expires after the 1992 season.

BOTTOM LINE: Well, Reeves (114-74-1) has to prove himself first.

STORY LINE: John Elway rallies the Broncos in the fourth quarter to victories over the Raiders, Chiefs and Oilers.

BOTTOM LINE: This is getting a little old.

STORY LINE: Steve Emtman, who is taking home $5 million (including his signing bonus) this season, returns a Dan Marino pass 90 yards as the Indianapolis Colts seal a 31-20 upset victory over the Dolphins October 25.

BOTTOM LINE: No surprise. Marino only makes $4.6 million.

STORY LINE: Ken O’Brien leads the New York Jets to their second victory--against the Dolphins--last Sunday.

BOTTOM LINE: Good decision to go with Browning Nagle at quarterback to start the season.

STORY LINE: Mark Bavaro makes a comeback with the Cleveland Browns.

BOTTOM LINE: Thank you, Mark.

STORY LINE: Doctors tell Browns Coach Bill Belichick to cut back on the workload.

BOTTOM LINE: That’ll loosen him up; when is his Comedy Club date?

STORY LINE: Herschel Walker rushes for 619 yards in Philadelphia’s first eight games.

BOTTOM LINE: Obviously, he’s finished.

STORY LINE: Buffalo Bills fans are disgruntled over their team’s 6-2 start.

BOTTOM LINE: Yeah, but the most important thing is graduation rates. Several Bills players are seeking degrees this fall.

STORY LINE: The Los Angeles Raiders bench Jay Schroeder in favor of Todd Marinovich.

BOTTOM LINE: Good thing they didn’t trade for Steve Young.

STORY LINE: The Dallas Cowboys acquire pass-rush specialist Charles Haley from the 49ers for conditional draft picks before the season opener.

BOTTOM LINE: Do Jerry Jones and Jimmy Johnson have compromising photos of all the other owners and coaches in this league?

STORY LINE: Green Bay Packers No. 1 draft pick Terrell Buckley says he’s the best athlete of this century since Jim Thorpe.

BOTTOM LINE: At least Terrell is not prone to exaggeration.

STORY LINE: Deion Sanders is the best athlete of this era since Bo Jackson.

BOTTOM LINE: Now that’s the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

STORY LINE: The family of Phoenix Coach Joe Bugel is upset over a report that he was going to get fired after Week 3.

BOTTOM LINE: This was something to ignore, not to acknowledge.

STORY LINE: The Seattle Seahawks (1-7) have scored 53 points and are on a pace to set a record for fewest points in a 16-game schedule.

BOTTOM LINE: Boy, that Chuck Knox could coach.

STORY LINE: Quarterback Dave Krieg, a Plan B signee, has led Kansas City to a 4-4 record.

BOTTOM LINE: Boy, that Chuck Knox could coach.

STORY LINE: The Los Angeles Rams surprise the NFC with a respectable 3-5 start and narrowly miss an upset last Sunday at Atlanta.

BOTTOM LINE: Boy, that Chuck Knox can coach.

STORY LINE: The Minnesota Vikings are the real deal under Dennis Green.

BOTTOM LINE: Yeah, but we all know an African American can’t succeed as a head coach in this league.

STORY LINE: The Washington Redskins have a sluggish start in defense of their Super Bowl title.

BOTTOM LINE: Do they get a rebate on the $3 million they gave Mark Rypien?