THE BOTTOM TEN / STEVE HARVEY : Colleges Scout Dregs of Barrel : THE COLLEGES

Scouts from such Bottom Ten powers as Brown, Northwestern, Oregon State and UCLA were in Houston over the weekend watching with barely concealed excitement as Davis High chalked up its 73rd consecutive loss--a 0-41 squeaker--to set a national record. Afterward, scouts signed several Davis players to contracts in the shadow of the goal posts.

After all, the pressure to finish in the Bottom Ten is intense. Brown (0-8) is No. 1, but the coaches fear the team may be caught looking ahead to its Nov. 21, must-lose crucial against Columbia (1-7).

Highest ranking newcomer was No. 8 Houston, which fell, 16-41, to Southern Methodist, a school that was given the death sentence by the NCAA several years ago but broke out of prison and has been playing at undisclosed locations ever since.

Arkansas and Arkansas State were tied for No. 6 despite rumors that they will eventually be pardoned by the new Clinton Administration. And B.C., the comic strip, was a smash on TV, garnering numerous laughs during a 7-54 thumping by Notre Dame.

The rankings:

School, Record Last Loss Next Loss 1. Brown (0-8) 19-29, Harvard Dartmouth 2. LSU (1-8) 11-31, Alabama Healing 3. Maryland (2-8) 21-69, Florida State Clemson 4. UTEP (1-8) 39-48, Tulsa New Mexico 5. Washington (8-1) QB Hobert Stay tuned 6. (Tie) Arkansas (2-6-1) 3-10, Mississippi State Idle 6. Arkansas State (1-8) 0-23, La Tech E. Carolina 8. Minnehaha (1-8) 0-17, Ohio State Wisconsin 9. Houston (3-5) 16-41, SMU* Texas A$M 10. Mildcats**(6-12) Lost 2 2-Peat

11. Purdon’t (3-6); 12. Missouri (1-8); 13. Texas (lost to TCU for first time in 25 years); 14. Tulane (2-7); 15.-18. Pentagon (Army, Navy, Air Force, Virginia Military Institute) (13-22); 19. UCLA (4-5); 20. Boston College (first 7-0-1 team ever to lose game by 47 points).

*Comedown of the Week: Houston, a 16 1/2-point favorite, lost by 25.

**Combined records of Northwestern and Kentucky.

Honorable mention: In 21-69 loss, Maryland gave up most points in 79 years--since its 0-76 loss to the Pentagon (Navy branch) in 1913.

At least he didn’t headlock the opposing coach: NBC’s Cris Collinsworth on Notre Dame Coach Hulk Holtz calling a fake punt against Boston College while ahead by five touchdowns: “That’s like stealing a base in the bottom of the ninth inning when you’re leading, 15-0.” (Well, maybe the top of the ninth inning.)

THE PROS

Chilly Philadelphia seemed an odd locale Sunday for a match between two Bare Bottom Ten quarterbacks: the Raiders’ Todd Interceptovich, acknowledged nude surfer, and Philadelphia’s Jim McMahon, who mooned the press during Super Bowl week as a member of the Chicago Bears.

Interceptovich was cooler than the weather, having three passes picked off in less than two quarters as the Raiders were pantsed, 10-31.

The Eagles’ McMahon, incidentally, was one of three quarterbacks from the 1989 Chicago team who started Sunday. Cleveland’s Mike Tomczak also won. Only the holdover--Jim Harbaugh--lost as the Dancing Bears fell to 4-5. No wonder Coach Mike Ditka exploded on his radio show and offered to fight one caller who branded him a “baby.”

The Seattle Times reported, meanwhile, that a local supermarket owner “couldn’t make it to (last) Sunday’s Seahawk game. So he tacked four Seahawk tickets to the door with a note inviting someone to take them. When he came back, there were six tickets.”

The rankings:

KFC* STANDINGS

Team, Record Last Loss Next Loss 1. New England (0-9) 14-31, New Orleans Indy 2. Seattle (1-8) 3-16, Washington Raiders 3. Detroit (2-7) 3-37, Dallas Pittsburgh 4. Raiders (3-6) 10-31, Philadelphia Seattle 5. Rams (3-6) 14-20, Phoenix Dallas 6. Ditka (4-5) Temper Job?

*Kentucky Fried Conference

BOSTON’S WOES

Team, Classification Disaster 1. New England Patriots (NFL) 0-9 record. 2. Boston Red Sox (AL) Finished in cellar with 73-89 record. 3. Boston University (NCAA) 1-8 record. 4. Boston College (NCAA) Lost, 7-54, to Notre Dame. 5. Boston Celtics (NBA) Larry Bird retired. 6. Boston Braves (NL) Left town in 1954.

Isn’t Stabler available? NBC’s Dick Enberg, during the miserable showing by the Raiders: “The only quarterback controversy in L.A. is whether Vince Evans should start.”

The no-offense offense: “I guess our defense has got to score,” Seattle cornerback Patrick Hunter said. “We’ve stopped ourselves offensively all year long.”