THE NBA / MARK HEISLER : Stop Him if You’ve Heard This One: Bulls Bickering

Situation normal, all messed up: Michael and Scottie don’t like B.J., Stacey and Will want out, Jerry the pint-sized general manager is holding a slot for Toni but can’t find a useful reserve on this side of the Atlantic Ocean and Horace still thinks he’s being treated like a mushroom, kept in the dark with manure thrown on him.

That’s right, the twice-defending champion Chicago Bulls have a plump and vulnerable look again.

Ominous portents for this team have been published for two seasons, after which they have dominated two postseasons to the tune of a 26-9 record.

Maybe it’s a mirage, maybe it’s a miracle, maybe it’s Michael, but for the record:

Michael Jordan and Scottie Pippen are upset at new quick-draw point guard, B.J. Armstrong, who is looking for a new contract first and teammates second.

Jordan and Pippen prefer slow, steady John Paxson, but he is injured.

Jordan is dominating play even more than usual, his scoring average up three points while the team’s is down four. Last week he played 46 minutes of a loss at Atlanta in which the Bulls trailed by 25 points.

Jordan, pinpointing the reason for the loss, called officials Jim Clark, Jim Capers and Danny Crawford “terrible.” It cost him a $5,000 fine.

Stacey King issued his third annual appeal for a trade: “If they’re looking for someone (to deal), I’d be the first to hold my hand up.”

Will Perdue asked to be traded. He and King have a common problem: no bidders.

General Manager Jerry Krause rebuilt his bench around Rodney McCray, which means he’s back to Square One. Krause still dreams of Croatia’s Toni Kukoc, who says he will come next season, which could really spice things up because Pippen and Jordan don’t want him.

Horace Grant is getting even fewer shots and would ask to be traded if he thought it would do any good.

Coach Phil Jackson is upset at this year’s start (13-6), compared to last season’s (37-5).

“We’re not playing good defense,” Jackson said last week. “The pressure’s not there because we’re really not physically capable of pressuring the way we should. I think our lack of hustle is noticeable.

“When we see the Detroits and New Yorks, our defense steps up, but night in and night out, we’re not playing the same kind of defense that would qualify as Bulls’ defense. This year is going to take awhile. We’re not going to be ready to play well--maybe until after the All-Star Game.”

Add it up and you wonder how they won the 13, not lost the six.

This season there is also the Knick challenge, the long-range effect of the Olympic summer on Jordan and Pippen and the pressure of becoming the first three-peat champion in 26 years. The Bulls might rise above all this, too, but it should be enough to keep them busy for a while.

DOUBLE AGENT

Did baseball’s commissioner surrogate, Bud Selig, say his game had an image problem?

Ask White Sox co-owner Eddie Einhorn, a leader in negotiating baseball’s last TV deal and a minority partner in the Bulls.

“One of the biggest things I’ve found is advertisers don’t want our (baseball) players,” Einhorn said. “They don’t like them, and they aren’t using them to do commercials.

“The growth of the NBA started when labor and management got together. You can’t have five TV shows when you ask a player to show up and he doesn’t show up. The NBA players show up, which (baseball players) don’t do. The NBA players show up because it’s been shown that if you cooperate, you make a lot more money.

“These (baseball) guys, they’re out signing autographs at $29 a ball. They won’t go to a hospital for you unless you write it in their contract.”

MORE TROUBLE IN MUNCHKIN LAND

As if the diminutive Golden State Warriors don’t have enough problems, they have blown fourth-quarter leads in six of their 11 losses.

Last week’s special: blowing a 12-pointer at home to Charlotte.

“I think this team is snakebit and has lost the confidence down the stretch,” Coach Don Nelson said.

Warrior players lament the loss to injury of Sarunas Marciulionis, whose mid-December return has been set back, and the loss to the Portland Trail Blazers of Mario Elie. While they are waiting for Marciulionis, they can wait for Billy Owens, who will be sidelined two weeks because of a knee injury.

Nelson, bristling after Jud Buechler shot a layup despite a three-point deficit in the last seconds of a loss, vowed never to give him another opportunity but relented.

“That’s not harsh,” Nelson said later. “Harsh is when I called him a dumb. . . .”

BIG TROUBLE IN BIG D

That talk about the Dallas Mavericks breaking the 76ers’ 9-73 all-time futility record isn’t idle speculation any more.

With last week’s impressive string of losses to all comers, including the 23-point blowout to the toothless Timberwolves in Reunion Arena, the Mavericks dropped to 1-15, a .063 percentage that compares unfavorably to the 1972-73 76ers’

.110.

Meanwhile, the Mavericks invited holdout No. 1 draft choice Jim Jackson to cut a deal with another team, providing only that he gets more than the four-year, $10.8-million contract Dallas has offered (easy) and the Mavericks can agree on a trade (forget it). Jackson has enrolled again at Ohio State, vowing to go back into the draft. At this point, anything is possible.

FACES AND FIGURES

Just because everyone visiting Boston Garden is paranoid, it doesn’t mean they aren’t out to get you: Nugget Coach Dan Issel, aghast that the aged Celtics, who played the night before in Orlando, were given an extra five minutes’ rest at halftime after complaining the floor had to be rewiped: “In all the years I’ve been in the league, I thought I’d seen everything but getting an extra five minutes by saying the floor was slippery was a new one on me. I enjoyed that one.” . . . Unforgettable, that’s what you are: Celtic consultant Larry Bird on the new rookies: “There’s always going to be somebody else. There’s going to be another Shaquille O’Neal, just like there’s going to be another Michael Jordan and a Magic Johnson.” How about another Larry Bird? “No,” Bird said . . . . Behind the J.R. Reid-Sidney Green trade: Charlotte gets a No. 1 pick in the upcoming (weak) draft, assuming the Spurs don’t choose in the top eight, a safe bet. The Spurs need help with Terry Cummings, Willie Anderson and Antoine Carr out. The Hornets get rid of Reid’s salary--$7.2 million over the next four seasons--and assume Green’s $2.4 million over two just to do the deal. Said Charlotte owner George Shinn, welcoming the newest Hornet: “I don’t think anyone was turning back flips over Sidney Green.” . . . You old phrasemaker, you: Knick Coach Pat Riley calls his designated troublemakers, reserves Anthony Mason, John Starks and Greg Anthony, the Bermuda Triangle. If they could only get Starks to change his name, they could be the Mad Anthonys. . . . Talking of troublemakers: The Nets went 5-1 with Derrick Coleman injured and say their resident churl must now fit in with them, instead of vice versa. Chief among them was Kenny Anderson, berated by Coleman for not getting him the ball. Said Anderson, who averaged 24 points in Coleman’s absence: “Coach (Chuck Daly) said, ‘You run the team. I don’t care if you get punched in the mouth.’ ” Comment: That’s easy for him to say. . . . Welcome to Houston: Hakeem Olajuwon, delighted that owner Charlie Thomas had found buyers for the Rockets: “It would be good for me.” However the new three-man ownership group began quarreling about who would be the boss and the deal is foundering. A Houston columnist labeled them “the Three Stooges.” . . . Atlanta Coach Bob Weiss after Kevin Willis scored 65 points in two games: “Kevin made some long shots, but he thinks he can make them. Matter of fact, there isn’t a shot Kevin doesn’t think he can make, so he tries them all.” . . . Loss of the week: The Magic fell at Detroit despite making 14 of 23 three-pointers, eight by Dennis Scott in 12 tries. . . . He’s back, he’s taking 20 rebounds a game, what else is new? Detroit’s Dennis Rodman, who didn’t start a game until the season was two weeks old, leads the NBA again after seven consecutive 20-rebound games. “I can’t say I’m totally happy,” the subdued Rodman said, “but I’m not displeased to be here.” The Pistons say they will have to get an All-Star back in any trade for Rodman, so that Clipper offer of Loy Vaught and Gary Grant won’t do. . . . Minnesota General Manager Jack McCloskey on Christian Laettner: “I think he’ll ultimately have the credentials to back up everything he thinks of himself.”