MTV Chic

In the wake of the recent MTV Video Music Awards, we were mildly amused by some of the outfits the performers and presenters wore, from Madonna’s Dietrich homage to RuPaul’s transvestite Barbie chic. (After all, we only watch the show for the clothes. Or rather, the lack of them.)

We’re only sorry we didn’t attend the show this year, since the real fashion circus is in the audience, as very young rockers parade through the aisles in the skimpiest of Spandex, pencil-thin jeans, tattoos and pierced whatevers.

Apparently, we’re not the only ones with our eyes on the thighs. In her new book, “Dressing Rich,” author Leah Feldon includes a section on “MTV Chic.” She writes: “It is a look best suited for women just past the age of puberty.”

According to Feldon, MTV Chic says four things loud and clear: 1) I am very young or want to be; 2) I am a victime de la mode willing to look hip at any price; 3) I have a complete lack of individual style, and; 4) I want to look tough, but I’m really insecure and not all that bright either.”

Feldon does believe there is an up side to the look: “Black is not only slimming and classic, but also makes throwing together a funeral outfit a whiz.”

Chiming Timepiece

Want to drive yourself absolutely insane for only $170,000? Then hop on over to the Tourneau store in South Coast Plaza, where you’ll find the Ulysse Nardin “Repeater” watch. This little trinket has two small figures on the dial that strike a bell with a hammer every quarter of an hour. That’s right, every 15 minutes you’ll hear a chime go off on your wrist. We think that’s much better than hearing your car alarm go off every half hour.

Essentials

What you need to maneuver the L.A. scene: Patience. They say it’s a virtue, and nowhere is that virtue more needed than right here in L.A. That’s because there’s an excruciatingly long wait for certain things in this town. Ever try to get breakfast on the weekend at Kings Road or Swingers? If you do, you’ll probably end up starving while waiting for a table. Been to the Beverly Center on a weekend afternoon? Good luck getting through the Beverly/La Cienega traffic, and better luck finding a parking spot once you’re inside. We won’t even talk about the wait for a StairMaster at the gym during the peak evening hours. Anyway, please be patient and don’t get angry and swear. Maybe they’ll all move to Colorado and we’ll have the whole city to ourselves.