Youth / Opinion : ‘Parents Taught Me Responsibility, but They Didn’t Live It’

These seven high school students from the Los Angeles area were honored last Friday for academic excellence and for their determination to defeat adversity and help others. They were honored by the Children’s Defense Fund’s “Beat the Odds” project, which focuses on the positive potential of America’s young people. Each received a $1,000 cash award and a shopping spree at Nordstrom’s department store. The honorees explain below how they “Beat the Odds.”

KENNETH NELSON, Junior, 16, San Bernardino High School

I surprised myself by managing to take care of my two sisters and three brothers and helping them through school. My parents left us about a year and a half ago. My dad lost his job, and both parents got depressed. I realized they weren’t coming back after they were gone for three weeks. I took charge and started playing Daddy. I don’t know how I did it, but it was the thing to do at the time. Luckily, things worked out. I doubled my hours at my job at a cafeteria. My grades started to drop because I was working late so much. That’s when the principal at my school started to notice something was wrong and found out about the situation. We’re stable now, living with my grandmother. I don’t have the pressure on me anymore, but I still worry about my parents, about where they are. I hope one day to get picked up in college by a baseball scout. If not, I would like to teach. I like being around people and helping them out. Our parents raised us well, even though they made their mistakes. For me, it’s going to take me time to forgive. They have to show me they’re responsible. This experience has taught me a lot, brought me closer to my family.

Right now, I’m just taking things one day at a time, helping my grandmother adjust to having all of us with her suddenly. We still love our parents, but they did the wrong thing at the wrong time. My parents taught me responsibility, but they didn’t live it. It hurts me that they didn’t live up to their word. That’s something I’ll try never to do.

CLEOTILDE ALMENDAREZ, Senior, 18, Manual Arts High School Los Angeles

Things were, and still are, hard for me. I’ve had to separate from a lot of friends who are still ditching class. I can’t do that, I have to graduate. When I do, I’ll be the first kid in the family that my mother will see graduate. It’s important for me to do it for her. Two years ago, I didn’t care about school. I got kicked out and sent to another school. I was involved in gangs then. But then my mom got really sick. She’s disabled now and can’t work. My dad died when I was just a few days old, so my mother always had to support me and my two brothers and sisters. I decided I really had to change.

A lot of my gang friends have died. I tell my friends who are still in gangs, go to school; if you don’t, you’ll regret it when you’re older. I want to go to UCLA or USC and start my own business someday.

My boyfriend died in August in a gang-related shooting. He used to say, “If you want to graduate, you’ll do it. But nobody can make you. You have to do it for yourself.” And he was right.

ROBERT LEE SMITH, Senior, 17, Locke High School Los Angeles

I went through a whole lot, from the day I was born. What kept me going was the fact that I always wanted to learn. I guess I liked school because I was scared to go home to the child abuse.

My grades were always good. I want to attend UC Berkeley or a school in the South.

It’s been better now for me since I went to live with my aunt and uncle and two cousins when I was in the fourth grade. Even though my brother and I were scared living with my parents, we fought back. I kept going when things were rough, and he did the same for me. I’m not sure where he is now because he went to live with a foster family. But I always think of him.

I never wanted to use my problems as an excuse to say, “I don’t want to go to school,” or do bad. It actually made me more mature and able to help other people. I’m in a teen support group called Motivated to Achieve, and I helped one girl who was really having trouble with her mom.

RONALD RUBEN ESTRADA, Senior, 17, Jordan High School Los Angeles

I guess I’ve been beating the odds a long time now. Growing up, I had a lot of bad things, a lot of negativity in my life and not enough support at home. I just made up my mind to continue to do good, no matter what. It wasn’t always that way though. I was involved in gangs at a young age. But after the shooting deaths of a friend and a cousin, I really saw I could be next. It motivated me to do better. My cousin who died this past June was a good person but he was a follower, not a leader. I made up my mind to be a leader. I’m dedicating this award to his memory.

I had a close friend in elementary school who used to get awards for good work. I was jealous. I’m making up for lost time: I’m involved in almost every club on campus, I’m the senior class president, homecoming king, and I’m on the varsity basketball and football teams. I want to go to Cal State Fullerton, study communications and become a film director.

I don’t want to lecture people about how they could do better in life. I think they pay more attention if I’m setting an example.

DEIDRA JONES, Senior, 17, Chester New Chance Teen Mothers High School, Compton

Since I was little, I’ve been going through a lot of changes with mother. My father was hardly around. I moved from place to place and hardly made any friends. Then I got pregnant when I was 15. But I always kept my grades up.

I buried my mother on my son’s first birthday. My father was smoking drugs, locking me out of the house. A lot of times I had to stay in the house all day. But that made me more determined to get on my feet and get on my own. It feels good to be on my own, but it’s hard. I have to go to night school. I want to be a registered nurse and a singer. I plan to go to a junior college for two years and then transfer to a university.

I would tell someone else who’s having a rough time, don’t give up. Keep trying. There are a lot of obstacles. Just keep going and don’t let anybody tell you different.

MONICA NARANJO, Senior, 18, Garfield High School Los Angeles

My parents passed away when I was very young. I stayed with a lot of different relatives. I started having a lot of difficulties because I was moving around so much. I had to come home, do homework, help them out in the house. Right now I stay with my aunt. Even though I went through bad times, I always tried to think positive. One thing that kept me going was having some kind of goal in mind. Just a year ago I got a definite goal in mind: becoming a dentist.

I’m working as a dental assistant now, and I plan to go to USC or UCLA. My grades are pretty good; I have a job; I’m able to do what I want to do, so I’m pretty satisfied. I’m able to get through bad times because of friends. They’ve always been there for me.

STEPHANIE BRUCH, Senior, 18, Sierra High School San Bernardino

It’s three or four years since I’ve been off drugs and alcohol. Right now I’m doing pretty well in school. My grades are coming up now. Last year, the first year of school I ever completed, was pretty fun. For me, it was something to be proud of.

When my aunt took me out of my parents’ house, she gave me an ultimatum: stay in school, stay straight or else. I decided I didn’t want to end up like my mother--drinking, on welfare. I realized I couldn’t just change overnight. Even now, I get tempted sometimes to take stuff. But there are counselors at school who help me out. I’m a peer counselor myself. I want to go into counseling or law enforcement because I like helping people so much.

Compiled for The Times by Erin Aubry