KIDS ON FILM : Too Much Gloom, Doom in ‘Home of Our Own’ : <i> In “A Home of Our Own,” a stubborn widow and mother of six (Kathy Bates) moves in 1955 from Los Angeles to Idaho, where she struggles to make ends meet, raise her kids and build her dream house almost from scratch. (Rated PG)</i>

Matthew Lutton, 5, had a gesture for this movie: one little thumb down.

His big brother Nick, 8, had a question: “Was it PG or rated R?”

Hard to tell.

I saw the full-page ad with the smiling Bates and the six cheerful-looking kids. I read the blurbs: “Upbeat Humor.” “Tender Compassion.” “A Touching, Involving Experience.”

And so, like the kids, I was unprepared for the grim, coming-of-age story, told by the oldest son, that includes the mother repeatedly whipping him with his father’s belt, her own violent date rape, her emotional abuse of the children, their home’s destruction by fire, and an ending epiphany so weak, you might be too depressed to even notice.

Try “Unrelentingly Bleak.”

Nick also observed that the language was unusually rough for a PG-rated film.

“I thought it was rated R. It had a lot of bad words in it. For like 3- and 2-year-olds, I wouldn’t really recommend it.”

One of the most indelible images from the film for kids--understandably enough in Southern California--were the scenes of the fire. It began when one child, happy to have indoor plumbing at last, decides to burn down their outhouse, only to see the fire’s embers blow over to their nearly finished home.

Despite the obvious tragedy, Nick thought it might give some kids the wrong idea. “That teaches kids that they might put a canful of gasoline and put a match on it. If you say: ‘Oh, that kid burned down his house. Oh, it might be cool if we burned down our house.’

“You got to know right from wrong,” he said.

All in all, the movie was more violent than he expected. “I thought she’d spank the kid. Not with a belt, “ he said. At least, he said, she should not have hit him in front of the other kids because it probably scared them.

Added Matthew: “When the kids screamed, I thought she should say, ‘Be quiet, please!’ ”

The movie showcased many things women have since learned not to do: hit children, make boys into “the man of the house,” accept sexual harassment.

Nick, finding a bright side, thought the movie might be educational by showing kids how people acted in the old days. (Like, maybe parents could say, “You think this is child abuse? Let’s go see some real child abuse.”)

Some other kids said the movie was OK, and found the mother’s actions understandable.

“I think the reason she took it out on her kids was because she had problems of her own that she just couldn’t handle,” said Devon Boutelle, 10.

“I thought it was good,” said Erin Lawrence, 14. But she found the film “a little slow.”

One of the most heart-rending scenes comes at Christmas when Bates refuses charity and, rather than personal gifts, gives her children hardware items for the house.

Should she have taken the charity instead?

“I guess in a way she should have and in a way she shouldn’t have,” Erin said. “I guess she realized at the end she should have. I guess.”

You’re right. Hard to tell.