CHILD LABOR

My generation, raised on the same pernicious fairy tales writer Karen Stabiner (“A Suitable Mom,” March 6) criticizes, has, tragically, internalized their messages, which demonize mothers and laud dragon-slaying princes. We’ve stayed away from active motherhood in droves and gone out, instead, to slay our own dragons.

Thus, with a work-oriented mindset, Stabiner chronicles her stint as a stay-at-home mom by listing accomplishments. This is like evaluating a poem by counting words. Maternal fulfillment and identity, like faith or art, require a different mindset.

Our society must recognize the immutable needs of small children and restore respect and esteem to the role of caring for them. Only then will businesses be forced to accommodate involved motherhood, only then will fathers truly participate. Only then will fairy tales be rewritten for future generations.

LAURA HAYNES COLLECTOR

Sherman Oaks

The flip side of a paying job is not all keeping fit, sewing costumes and painting one’s nails red. Some of us who don’t “work” don’t have time to play Martha Stewart. Like the office manager of a large firm, we hire, fire, bookkeep, administrate and pick up the boss’s laundry, but without job title, pay or, apparently, the respect of “working” women.

And why be so apologetic about knowing how to sew? Should I plead temporary madness when I negotiate a contract or run a meeting? It seems Stabiner’s boundaries are really about delineating masculine and feminine skills. Why was she so horrified at her daughter’s fascination with the mothball bagging? Until we realize that keeping one’s clothes safe from moth holes is a life skill either sex should possess, we’re a long way from blurring those lines and respecting stay-at-home parenting.

AMELIA SALTSMAN

Santa Monica

Gee, I’m so relieved to read that Stabiner’s daughter has, in her childlike way, let her mom know that it’s OK for her to work. Perhaps the absolution was necessary to shake off that old witch’s shawl of guilt. But is it necessary to damn with faint praise those moms who choose to stay at home?

The stay-at-home moms I know live according to a simple equation that has nothing to do with social position, income, education or intelligence. It’s an equation in which the mom is not the key component and the benefits are long term: For now, you do with less to give more to your kids. It’s simple, and it’s good work if you can get it.

ELLEN BOSTELMAN

Huntington Beach