Parenting : Mom and Dad 101 : * How-to classes and support groups consider everything from toilet training to peer pressure.

As the mother of an active toddler and a newborn, Tracy Oddson found herself confused about disci pline, worried about how to deal with sibling jealousy and not sure how to set limits for her boys.

“I always thought parenting was something that came naturally,” said Oddson, 41, of Newhall. “People assume that because you’re a woman, you know how to mother.”

When her son’s nursery school offered a parenting class led by a licensed marriage and family therapist, Oddson jumped at the chance to get advice on such matters as discipline, sleep problems and toilet training.

“I learned to set limits and follow through,” said Oddson. “It also gave me support. It was good to know that other parents had the same or worse problems.”

In generations gone by, extended families were available to offer help, support and advice to new parents. But today’s moms and dads, often working and sometimes rearing children without a mate, feel isolated and are turning to classes and support groups to fill the gap.

“Parenting is a task, and the only way to learn to do it properly is to be taught,” said Charney Herst, a clinical psychologist specializing in family bonding issues. “You wouldn’t drive a car without lessons,” she added. “But more people take dog obedience training than parenting classes.”

Parents are increasingly willing to admit their ignorance, however, and to look to churches, synagogues, community organizations and schools for much-needed instruction.

One such mother, Kris Coleman, 41, of Glendale, found help at a preschool parents’ education class at Burbank Adult School.

“Our parents didn’t know (as much) about development stages--that it is normal to have tantrums at a certain age, and how to deal with it,” Coleman said. As to the benefits of a class, she said, “I wish I could start all over again to be a parent because I’ve learned so much.”

Among the educational options available to parents are several types of classes and support groups, some of which welcome children. Classes tend to be more structured than groups, with a leader who sets a weekly topic and an age-specific focus. They also run for a set duration, while groups are more likely to be ongoing and open-ended. And although groups may be facilitated by a professional, they’re more open to direction by parents, with topics decided by whatever issue concerns the group.

Bill Swoger, 27, settled on a class that could accommodate both his own questions as a parent and the social needs of his 3-year-old boy. A 16-week, $45 class at Burbank Adult School allowed his son to play with other youngsters as Swoger, who cares for his children while his wife works, got some tips on being a better dad.

Since the class, he said, he has often referred back to what he learned. After the Jan. 17 earthquake, for example, remembering class discussions about calming a child’s fears helped him comfort his youngsters.

Michael Kimmel, who runs the SmartParent Workshop in Encino, reports that other issues that commonly bring parents to his program include discipline, sleep problems, concerns about safety, self-esteem, single parenting, peer pressure and the threat of gangs.

While classes dealing with infant and toddler issues are easy to find in the Valley, those that focus on adolescents and teen-agers are scarce. “There is quite a gap in parent education between elementary and teen groups,” said Frances Brown, a Van Nuys psychotherapist specializing in child and family issues.

More common than seminars are support groups for parents and teen-agers coping with specific problems such as drug and alcohol abuse, suicide or eating disorders. Schools and churches do their part by sponsoring evening or weekend presentations on adolescents’ issues. Another option for concerned parents is to consult a hospital or private practitioner for individual or family therapy.

“Adolescence has always been a dangerous time,” said Brown, noting that parental worries usually revolve around the safety issues of “sex, drugs and cars,” along with discipline.

As the parent of an almost-teen-ager, Chris Rose of Calabasas is already looking for classes that deal with older children. She went to a baby group shortly after her first daughter was born, and now Rose, 43, is trying to cope with the girl’s strong-willed behavior. While she searches for the right program, she has sought guidance from a therapist, a parent-support group and books, such as “The Difficult Child,” by Stanley Turecki (Bantam Doubleday, 1989).

Though he endorses such a strategy, Jerry Harris, co-director of Because I Love You, a parent-run support group that meets in locations throughout the Valley, added a word of caution. Going to a few classes, he said, won’t make anyone an expert. “Parenting is every day,” he pointed out. “We’re not perfect. We make mistakes and we learn. It’s an ongoing process.”

Course Considerations

Here are some things to look for when picking a parent education class:

* Get personal referrals. “Moms are the best advertisement,” said parent Kris Coleman, who found the Burbank Adult School classes through a friend and has recommended them to others.

* Talk to the group leader. What is his or her background? Does the leader have experience with a particular age group? Does he/she know about child development and psychology?

* Look at the format. Is it interactive or mostly lecture? Does it cover your specific questions? How many students are allowed? Are children welcome? Are the classes regularly scheduled with some continuity? Is it highly structured, with set topics each week, or more of a support group with parents setting the agenda? Is it reasonably priced?

* Evaluate the philosophy. Are you given strict child-rearing rules, or encouraged to make your own? Are cultural differences taken into account?

* Observe other parents. Are they going through the same things you are? Sit in on a session.

* If children will also attend, look at the environment. Is the yard fenced? Is it clean? Are toys safe and age-appropriate? Is there adequate supervision while parents talk?