THE NBA / MARK HEISLER : Instead of Ultimate Test, Finals Are Boringly Testy

One day (soon), the 1994 NBA finals will mercifully be forgotten, remembered only as the bridge between the Michael Jordan era and the new anti-game-of-force rules.

If the New York Knicks and Houston Rockets are models of work ethic, digging down deep, etc., aesthetically it’s been like watching pigs push a ball around the barnyard with their snouts.

And that isn’t even the scary part.

More than style, the NBA was built on personalities, big, open, colorful, generous-spirited ones like Julius Erving, Magic Johnson, Larry Bird and the pre-scandal Jordan, men who didn’t act like they hated being stars.

That was before rookies got $50 million contracts and sneaker endorsements before they’d been in a pro layup line, before coaches started feeling the pressure and circling the wagons.

This series is emblematic of the modern NBA with personalities that have been muted, if not outright repressed. The Rockets are dull. The Knicks are Stepford wives.

The Knicks have a p.r. department that, for budget, hustle and sheer energy ranks above anything in pro hoops and perhaps any other sport. At home, their efforts are richly rewarded. Even in the rough-and-tumble tabloid world, it’s rare that a month goes by without some story about how the guys at Madison Square Garden sent some Knick paraphernalia to a kid in a hospital who is now a fan for life.

Only one thing holds the p.r. department back--the team.

A Knick media session at the finals goes this way:

Patrick Ewing, a pleasant man who was taught in college to protect himself at all times and now rarely grants off-day audiences, has to attend by league rule, talks briefly, then sits by himself for the last 15 minutes of the 30-minute session.

Charles (“I’m a true warrior”) Oakley talks at length, possibly because he’s coming off a 16-point, 20-rebound game.

However, the Knicks’ Oscar the Grouch is upset as usual. At one time or another, Oakley will complain he gets too little playing time, too few shots, too little publicity, too little help under the boards, isn’t appreciated and has had to wait too long for his $2 million-a-year contract to be renegotiated.

He’d like to lay it all out but doesn’t want to incur the wrath of Riley.

Today Oakley issues a vague complaint that the Knicks once “dissed” him: “I don’t hold grudges but they know what happened between me and them . . . . It wasn’t right.”

Pressed as to the nature of the dis, Oakley rises and walks off, muttering: “I’m outta here.”

Anthony Mason, carrying on with a bunch of teammates, says he isn’t talking any more

At least three guys are saying that next game they have to “come with more force,” parroting Riley’s new pet phrase. Riley got it from assistant coach Dick Harter, who used it all the time during his reign of terror at Oregon before taking his force to Detroit where he taught the Pistons how to be Bad Boys.

It’s hard to believe these sessions were once fun, not inquisitions. To the Knicks, they’re a grim chore.

David Stern no longer brags about the graciousness of his stars but hasn’t addressed the problem. As long as the guys do the basics--smiling for the NBC cameras--how bad can things be?

Check the finals ratings, which have dropped to their lowest level since 1990, before Jordan hit the big time. That’s how bad.

ROLLING THUNDER: THE ’94 SHAKEUP

There has never been anything like this off-season. So far, the count is seven administrators fired, resigned or on leave, plus seven head coaches.

Here’s an update:

LAKERS--Del Harris replaced Magic Johnson who replaced Randy Pfund.

CLIPPERS--They deny it but there are reports that no sooner had Donald T. Sterling finished saying, “We’re going to keep Danny Manning,” then he started in on “Can we get Larry Brown back?” Answer: no. The new hope is George Karl but he’s under contract and the Sonics don’t want to give him up.

SONICS--They’re close to a deal with departing GM Bob Whitsitt who may alight in Portland. Karl wants out but will probably have to settle for another raise. Says new Sonic president Bill (son of owner Barry) Ackerley: “I keep asking, why because Bob Whitsitt had a contract problem does George Karl have to create a contract problem?”

CELTICS--Dave Gavitt built the Big East but was more at home with network execs than NBA GMs, sat on his reputation and got kicked upstairs by new owner Paul (son of old owner Don) Gaston. Larry Bird, who likes playing golf in Florida, turned the job down so the desperate Gaston bumped up untested but popular M.L. Carr, who had been in the community relations department, a silly p.r. ploy that fooled no one. Everyone wonders why Red Auerbach is sitting still for this but Red’s horses were Gavitt and Bird.

PISTONS--Isiah Thomas handed his long-time sponsor, owner Bill Davidson, a list of demands to stay: a $50 million chunk of the team plus operational control. Isiah then told the newspapers that Davidson agreed, whereupon Davidson slapped Thomas on ice. Isiah bolted for Toronto, where he’ll become GM/minority owner.

WARRIORS--New Spurs GM Gregg Popovich, until recently Don Nelson’s assistant, is the latest to court Nelly who has one more season before he has an out in his contract and the rumors really start flying.

HORNETS--Owner George Shinn wants an assistant coach to help (read: shore up) Allan Bristow. Jack Ramsay turned him down so the Hornets are choosing among Grgurich, Boston’s Don Casey, ex-Bull Johnny Bach and ex-Clipper Bob Weiss.

NETS--Howard University Coach Butch Beard, an old Willis Reed favorite, is the frontrunner to succeed Chuck Daly, ahead of Derrick Coleman’s candidate, Paul Silas. This would be an imaginative choice for Reed if he can get the Seacuacus Seven to go along. As usual, they’re split.

76ERS--John Lucas succeeds GM Jim Lynam and Coach Fred Carter. As usual, owner Harold Katz makes his “It will be ----------’s show” speech.

BLAZERS--Super-rich computer dweeb Paul Allen staged his long-awaited purge, fired Coach Rick Adelman, pursued Mike Krzyzewski and Nolan Richardson but now is down to interviewing . . . . Bob Hill? Hill was the Pacer coach before Brown, the guy who showed what you couldn’t do with that team.

KINGS--Blazer GM Geoff Petrie, well-liked and respected, landed here. Droll, unlucky but so-far bulletproof Jerry Reynolds remains as personnel director.

BULLETS--Lynam, an old friend of GM John Nash, becomes coach, replacing owner Abe Pollin’s old favorite, Wes Unseld.

SPURS--Disaster area. New GM Popovich is expected to coach if he can’t get Nelson or Karl but the problem is, five years later, they still haven’t found one good young player to go with David Robinson. New owner Robert McDermott, an insurance millionaire who was once a one-star general in the Air Force and likes to be addressed as “General,” sacked GM Bob Bass and chased off Lucas who realized he was in an impossible position between uncontrollable Dennis Rodman and a clueless owner. One of McDermott’s employ e es recently confided to a San Antonio writer: “The general doesn’t like being criticized.” Oh, sorry.