PRO FOOTBALL: RAMS 14, ARIZONA CARDINALS 12 : It’s a Gripping Victory for the Rams

Ram Review

First Quarter: The pageantry of opening day, sky divers, balloons and first-round pick Wayne Gandy always knew one day he would be sitting on the bench for an NFL game . . . Phoenix brings 600-plus fans, thus outnumbering Ram fans two-to-one . . . Elapsed time of national anthem is 1 minute 26 seconds--18 seconds shy of equaling Rams’ longest offensive drive . . . Keith Loneker starts with Jackie Slater and you thought you’d seen it all when Lisa Marie Presley and Michael Jackson got together . . . Jerome Bettis offers touching-fumbling tribute to recuperating Cleveland Gary . . . Ram defense tough, Jimmie Jones penetrates, Joe Kelly forces fumble, Todd Lyght goes 74 yards for TD and Gandy is permitted off bench to join celebration . . . Rams 7, Cardinals 0.

Second Quarter: Fifteen minutes into season and Chris Miller is still standing . . . Twenty-nine minutes into season and Rams are still looking for their initial first down . . . Defensive end Brad Ottis is spotted on field; do Rams realize this game counts? Lyght gets beat in end zone, recovers to knock down pass, and good thing Steve Beuerlein couldn’t hit Pacific if standing on edge of Santa Monica Pier . . . Five minutes until halftime when Chinese Acrobats perform and Gandy wants to know if he can watch? Rams get first down with 28 seconds left in half because Eric Swann steps offside; ball will be on display in Orange County Hall of Fame . . . Rams 7, Cardinals 6.

Third Quarter: Bettis starts quarter averaging 2.6 yards a carry, and at this rate he will have to carry the ball 769 times to reach 2,000 yards . . . Marquez Pope interception leads to Bettis TD and Chuck Knox is asking for raise instead of expecting pink slip . . . Rookie Toby Wright has more hits in debut than Bruce Willis has in whole career . . . Rams are going to win, Rams are going to win, and Georgia Frontiere is seen kissing Forrest Gump on the cheek . . . Arizona scores, fails on two-point conversion and so that’s Buddy Ball . . . Flipper Anderson goes deep, makes circus catch and somewhere in New Orleans on Sunday night Jim Everett was talking to himself. Rams 14, Cardinals 12.

Fourth Quarter: Search party dispatched to locate tight end Troy Drayton . . . David Rocker gets a sack, yeah sure, and Madonna enters the convent, Don King takes a vow of silence . . . Keith Lyle has an interception, Robert Young applies pressure and it’s like the media has been saying all along: These guys are really good . . . Johnny Bailey tries to catch a punt with his facemask, Ricky Proehl has Steve Israel beat deep for game-winning touchdown, Chris Miller stumbles and fumbles, Cards don’t take advantage and later Leigh Steinberg takes credit for Saving the Rams . . . Bettis game of keepaway drops Ram magic number to 15 to secure playoff berth. Rams 14, Cardinals 12.

Game Summary: One more win and Neon Deion is asking for chance to jump on Ram bandwagon . . . One more win and it’s showdown Sunday, baby, in Anaheim Stadium with the 49ers . . . Two more wins in a row and the league orders an investigation . . . Crowd of 32,969 is all-time Anaheim low on big day, but folks probably misunderstood-- next year’s opener will be in Baltimore.