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More honors for the Southland: In its...

More honors for the Southland: In its year-end review, Parade magazine gave its “Quirkiest Burglar” award to a 20-year-old Redondo Beach man arrested after allegedly breaking into at least a dozen homes. The quirky part: He allegedly tickled the feet of some of the sleeping residents, said Redondo Beach Police Sgt. Rick Petersen. Another quirky part: Only four of them awoke.

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Absolut Lemon: David Dassey and Lauren Schlau, both of L.A., point out that one vodka company seems to be pouring it on Orange County’s former treasurer by picturing a lemon with the brand name “Absolut Citron.”

Steve Kauzor of Encino, meanwhile, found a mysterious San Fernando Valley angle to the financial fiasco. The 1994 telephone directory for the Northwestern area listed a Burbank address for the “Orange County Bankruptcy Forum"--with a 714 prefix (we told you it was mysterious).

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Just what did the forum know, and when did it know it?

We phoned the number listed, but no one answered. So we called another company at the same address, where we were informed that the forum was “an educational organization for bankruptcy lawyers in Orange County.” Which has since departed Burbank.

The right movie at the right time: Two young brothers found about $200 under a seat at the movies in West L.A. “Their parents let them decide what to do with it,” related Los Angeles Police Sgt. George Aitchison. “The kids said it must belong to someone and so they turned it in (to the police).”

If no one claims the cash, the boys, ages 8 and 10, will be quite a bit richer.

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Which is appropriate, because they were attending “Richie Rich.”

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Say, redcap, can you give me a hand with this bear bile?A 39-year-old man has pleaded guilty in federal court here to smuggling wildlife specimens into the United States from his native China.

Chang Hao An was arrested after arriving at LAX with luggage that included 200 bottles of dried bear bile, the skeleton of a tiger, two bear gall bladders and 60 boxes of a substance containing rhinoceros horn, musk deer and Saiga antelope.

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Not the kind of items you’d find in the airport gift shop.

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List of the day: Columbia Pictures’ “Immortal Beloved,” a film about Beethoven (the composer, not the dog), has received still another publicity boost. We’ve already mentioned the Reuters wire service story about the Italian physics student who plans to patent a condom that plays Beethoven if it tears.

Now, a colleague of ours points out that a collection of “actual quotations from papers of grade school children about classical music” has been making the rounds on the Internet. Some quotations:

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* Music sung by two people at the same time is called a duel.

* A virtuoso is a musician . . . with real high morals.

* My very best-liked piece is the bronze lullaby.

* My favorite composer is opus.

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* Caruso was first an Italian. Then someone heard his voice and said he would go a long way. So he went to America.

* I know what a sextet is, but I’d rather not say.

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A Long Beach carwash has been trying to lure business this week with this marquee: “Open All Day--Rain or Shine.” Thanks, but we’ll take a rain check.

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