These Guys Need to Put a Cork in It

Kerry Eggers of the (Portland) Oregonian, in cooperation with NBA game officials, who were granted anonymity, has chosen the 1994-95 All-NBA Whine Team:

Dennis Rodman, Gary Payton, Clyde Drexler, Charles Barkley, Reggie Miller, Alonzo Mourning, Dikembe Mutombo and Vernon Maxwell.

Some comments:

On Payton: “He has never committed a foul in his life--and if he did, it shouldn’t have been called.”

On Rodman: “Every time there’s a call he doesn’t agree with, he puts on a massive act, grabs his head, moans, groans, looks like he’s been shot.”

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Add whiners: Coaching whiner votes were split between Indiana’s Larry Brown and Miami’s Kevin Loughery.

On Brown: “He’s always saying, ‘It’s not fair to the kids.’ Now, that’s a whiner.”

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Trivia time: Who scored the first touchdown in Super Bowl I at the Coliseum on Jan. 15, 1967?

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A mere formality: Bill Lyon of the Philadelphia Inquirer writes that Sunday’s Super Bowl game is not a game but a “coronation and ritual” for the San Francisco 49ers.

“And the Chargers? Well, they are there merely to fill out the picture. Before and after, they are in charge of piling the coats on the beds and making sure everyone has valet parking claim stubs.”

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Trade-off: John Carney, San Diego Charger kicker, on the attention now being paid to the team:

“Good, because so many people care, but not so good if you’re trying to go through the supermarket.”

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Second class: Ron Wolfley, a former St. Louis Cardinal running back, said football always took a back seat to baseball in the city.

“At all these citywide functions, baseball would be the honored guest. We were pretty much waiting the tables.”

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On target: Tom Cushman of the San Diego Union-Tribune has some advice for Charger fans who are in Miami for the Super Bowl game: “Obey all walk lights. Miami drivers don’t miss.”

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Add Miami no-no’s: Scott Ostler of the San Francisco Chronicle has his own list, including:

--”Don’t pick up hitchhikers, especially in groups of four or more.

--”Carry your purse like you’re a fullback trying to score from the three.”

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Perfect pair: Brothers Ken and Mike Mayo each bowled 300 in his opening games last Sunday in a tournament in Peoria, Ill.

The American Bowling Congress says it had no record of two brothers bowling 300 in the same ABC-sanctioned game.

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Trivia answer: Max McGee of the Green Bay Packers on a 37-yard pass play from Bart Starr.

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Quotebook: John Nash, Washington Bullet general manager, whose team had a second game postponed because of condensation on the court: “We lead the league in something now.”