VALLEY Parenting : Wiping Away Resistance to Chores : Tasks that give a sense of accomplishment and responsibility can help create interest.

When it comes to doing chores, most children would rather be playing. But chores don’t have to be all about picking up toys and making the bed. Experts say one of the best ways to get kids to help out around the house is to have them do something they enjoy.

According to Robert Tasoff Ph.D., a psychologist who practices in Burbank, it’s more important for a child to experience a sense of accomplishment and responsibility than the chore itself.

Children as young as 2 may show an interest in dressing themselves, which is the beginning of doing chores, Tasoff says. For a child a little older, the interest might take the form of helping Mom add an ingredient to the salad or setting the table.

“A parent’s attitude should go along with the child’s, and they should encourage the child to participate,” Tasoff advises. “As the child gets older, you can keep adding tasks.”

Doing chores helps create a sense of family cohesiveness, of everybody working together for the household.

Mike and Felicia Zeff of Woodland Hills say their children Rebecca, 13, and Brandon, 10, help care for the family’s menagerie of animals. The practice started three years ago when the children each asked their parents for a parakeet. The Zeffs agreed to buy the birds without any stipulations. When they noticed how the children helped care for the birds, they said yes to letting them have three bunnies and, more recently, two dogs. Felicia Zeff told her children: “I can’t do everything myself, so if you want pets, you have to help out.”

She admits that Rebecca is more involved in caring for the animals than Brandon, but says he helps walk the dogs. Rebecca also assists her mom around the house, while Brandon prefers helping his dad. And both children are responsible for the upkeep of their rooms.

For young children, chores should be simple. Luise Strauss, a child-care provider for 25 years in Tarzana and an area representative for the San Fernando Valley chapter of the Child Care Council, invites the 2- to 4-year-old children she watches to help her put toys away. She’ll tell one child to pick up all the dolls, another the books and someone else the blocks. “By helping out, children learn to be responsible,” she says.

Strauss, whose two children are grown, recommends that parents participate in chores along with their young child.

“Don’t just send the child to their room and say, ‘Tidy up.’ You have to be in there with them and help them.” She adds that parents should decide what the chores are, and when to do them.

Phyllis Futoran of Studio City says her son Charles, 4, knows that one rule in the house is that he must put away toys before taking out more. Futoran doesn’t expect the same from her 2-year-old, Amanda, because she’s too young. She does admit, though, that her daughter likes to help and started at a younger age than Charles.

“Amanda probably wouldn’t be doing chores, but she sees her brother doing them,” Futoran says. Tasoff says that when a child becomes a teen-ager, chores should be re-evaluated. Keeping a bedroom neat is a standard chore, but for teen-agers, their room is a sanctuary and they should be able to keep it as they choose.

“Teen-agers will learn if they don’t pick up their clothes, they’ll have to iron (them) themselves, or wear wrinkled clothes,” he says. “Instead, have the teen-ager involved with something else, like mowing the lawn or helping with laundry.”

It’s best not to give children an allowance for doing chores, Tasoff adds. “Down the line, it creates a lot of problems, because the child will start negotiating by saying, ‘I will only do it if you give me money.’ ”

And never ask children to do something unsafe. “Don’t have a young child empty out the dishwasher, because there are sharp items in it,” he warns.

Of course, there are times when children don’t want to do their chores. Strauss reports that if one of her children refuses to put away a toy, she’ll tell him that he won’t be able to play with it for a few days.

With an older child, Tasoff recommends pointed discussion. “Ask the child why they are not doing their chores, and explain the importance of doing them,” he says. If the child still resists, he suggests that the parent take away a privilege.

The bottom line is that you want your child to be successful.

“Parents shouldn’t overload children with too many chores, and they should remember to praise them for their efforts,” Tasoff says.