Batter Up? Better Check Ingredients

Steve Jacobson in Newsday: “This is not Abner Doubleday or even Shawn Abner; this is more like Phineas T. Barnum. But at least being fooled by P.T. Barnum was fun.

“This is replacement baseball, scab baseball, skim milk, diet baseball, baseball lite, margarine, near--baseball, sham, counterfeit. This is Egg Beaters, but it’s here. And if we buy it, the yolk is on us.

“Even now these guys are reporting to spring training, taking physicals, drawing uniforms and lockers in the clubhouse, eating the carrots and eating the soup. And is it the real turtle soup or merely the mock?”

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Trivia time: When the Kings’ Kelly Hrudey stopped Sergei Fedorov on a penalty shot in overtime Sunday night, it marked only the third overtime penalty shot in NHL history. Who was involved in the others?

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Spoiled brats: Rick Pitino, University of Kentucky basketball coach, on adapting to new-age players:

“Today you tell a player to go in the game and he says, ‘No, if the ball’s not going to me, I’m not going in the game.’ Another player says, ‘I don’t want to dress that way.’ Another says, ‘I’m not getting my minutes.’ ”

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Appropriate gift: Bobby Valentine, manager of the Lotte Marines of the Pacific League of Japanese baseball, was presented with an eight-foot valentine last Saturday from the team owner after a game with the Chunichi Dragons in Peoria, Ariz., a training site.

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Air Jordan: Michael Jordan is training with the Nashville Sounds, the Chicago White Sox’s triple-A team in Sarasota, Fla.

His Jordan Cruiser, the luxury bus he purchased for his stint with the Birmingham, Ala., Barons, will stay in Birmingham.

“Maybe he’ll buy us a plane,” Larry Schmittou, the Sounds’ general manager, told Dan Bickley of the Chicago Sun-Times.

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Tales from the Crypt: Larry Holmes wants to fight George Foreman, adding, “But it’s not going to happen.” Why?

“Because George is afraid of me, and because he knows that I know where the skeletons in his closet are.”

Sounds mysterious.

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We’re No. 2: Mike Royko in the Chicago Tribune: “If someone did a study, it would probably show that the misbehavior rate among athletes is probably higher than any other group of public figures except Chicago aldermen.”

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Is that all? USA Baseball still hasn’t decided whether to send a team to this year’s Pan American Games. The governing body is waiting to see if progress is made on improving the stadium in Buenos Aires.

A poor infield and lack of a pitcher’s mound are specifically mentioned as reasons for concern.

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Looking back: On this day in 1970, Joe Frazier defended his world heavyweight title with a fifth-round knockout of Jimmy Ellis.

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Trivia answer: New Jersey Devil goalie Sean Burke stopped the Kings’ Luc Robitaille on the first on Feb. 2, 1989, and Hrudey stopped Tony Amonte of the New York Rangers on Jan. 27, 1994.

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Quotebook: Bob Lanier, new coach of the Golden State Warriors: “Today’s athletes will test your inter-personal skills. Today you have to tell players why you’re doing what you’re doing.”