Stupid pet trips: Lakewood High senior David...

Stupid pet trips: Lakewood High senior David Coher and his pet rat, Merry, had worked up an unusual entertainment act. The rodent would pry open Coher’s mouth with its paws, then crawl inside and retrieve food there.

Naturally, Coher wrote the “David Letterman Show,” which eventually called back, asking for a videotape of the routine. Alas, Merry had died a few days earlier--between performances.

But, knowing that Merry would want the act to go on, Coher started visiting pet stores, looking for a new partner. He had no luck until he found Blacksmith’s Corner in Lakewood, where he auditioned about 300 critters. Eureka! He discovered a pink rat named Champagne that he trained to replace Merry.

Coher finally mailed a tape to Letterman, and on Wednesday he and Champagne were flown to New York, where they’ll have an in-person audition along with eight other stupid-pet tricksters. Three will be chosen for the honor of performing on the air.

Coher is confident he’ll make the cut, though his new partner isn’t quite as daring as the old one. Merry would crawl so far into Coher’s mouth that the only part sticking out was the tail. With Champagne, though, “part of his back end sometimes sticks out because he doesn’t want to go all the way in.” We were going to show you a photo, but were afraid you might be eating breakfast.

*

Lower mathematics: Bob Roselle of Sherman Oaks sent us a postcard with a stamped message from the U.S. Postal Service indicating that a certain high-I.Q. group “was incapable of mastering the intricacies of affixing proper postage.”

*

A dog’s day: Doll artist Glenda Hooker has fashioned a scale model of a courtroom scene in the O. J. case for the Carole and Barry Kaye Museum of Miniatures on Wilshire Boulevard. It contains handcrafted replicas of all the players and furnishings, including such details as the very-visible brand name on Judge Ito’s computer (rest assured Sony is in no hurry for the trial to end.)

Hooker, by the way, has added one as-yet-unseen trial event: Testifying on the witness stand is Kato, the dog.

*

Which reminds us: While browsing in a Brentano’s shop in the Beverly Center, John M. Wilson discovered a book by Joan McDonald, “The Book of the Akita.” He adds: “It was in the Pets section, only a few feet from the Mystery section. The O. J. case haunts every inch of the city!”

*

No sequestration required: Then there’s the kid on Topanga Canyon Boulevard in Woodland Hills who’s peddling two baseball caps. One says “Guilty,” the other, “Not Guilty.” Just those words. Nothing else. No pictures. Guess he figures no explanation is necessary.

But how come he’s not offering a “Hung Jury” variety?

miscelLAny When the L.A./Anaheim Rams announced they had accepted the generous deal offered by the city of St. Louis, the Post-Dispatch ran a giant headline that said, “Finally, Football!” The newspaper’s front page since has been reproduced on a T-shirt, but a colleague reports that the garment already has been marked off 25% at airport gift shops there. Wait until the townsfolk actually see the Rams in action.