And the winner of the Oscar could...

And the winner of the Oscar could be . . . you!Yes, dear reader, any of you--even Sylvester Stallone! Of course, you wouldn’t receive it during a tearful Academy Awards ceremony. The only person you’d have to thank is the mail carrier, who would drop it off after you ordered it by phone from Movie Merchants. That’s a company that advertises the “Hollywood Superstar Trophy” in movie theaters.

Depressed that our unfinished screenplay received no recognition, we phoned the company’s 800 number to make a bid for the statuette. “The Oscar?” the company rep asked? “It’s $19.98, plus $6.95 handling.”

But when we asked what category we were being honored in, she said: “I have no idea,” adding she had no description of the coveted trophy.

When we further asked her where Movie Merchants was located so we could thank it for the honor, she said, “I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?” we asked in our best F. Lee Bailey snarl. “How could you not know?”

“I just take the orders,” she repeated. “All I know is I’m in Reno, Nev.”

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The reason there’s no show called Royal Court TV: When King Hussein of Jordan arrived at a World Affairs Council reception in Beverly Hills the other night, he was greeted with mild applause. Even the paparazzi were polite.

But when a non-member of royalty walked into the event at the Beverly Hilton Grand Ballroom a bit later, the place “went wild, with people yelling and rubbernecking,” reports Lois Romano of the Washington Post.

The object of the fanfare wasn’t an actor, a politician or an athlete, either.

“Only in L.A. could a lawyer get more attention than the King of Jordan,” grumbled a Hussein staff member, referring to none other than Robert Shapiro.

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Ah--the excitement of replacement player baseball: The West Palm Beach (Fla.) Post recently published a front-page photo of a man napping during a Dodger exhibition game there. The unusual thing about the shot was that the snoozer was in the dugout. And it was Dodger Manager Tom Lasorda.

“I had my tripod facing him, hoping to get some shots of him yelling, but he looked tired,” said photographer Richard Graulich. “I’d noticed that he’d done a few nod-downs, then quickly raised his head, so I kept a watch. Then, in the fourth inning, he yawned and sort of slumped over. I think he got a little too much Florida sun. I should add that when the batter got on first base, he (Lasorda) came out of it.”

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Frankenstein meets the Postal Service: Sara Karloff, whose father starred in the “Frankenstein” movies, has joined with kinfolk of Lon (“The Wolf Man”) Chaney Jr. and Bela (“Dracula”) Lugosi in urging the U.S. Postal Service to issue commemorative stamps honoring the scary guys. The renditions of the proposed stamps were drawn by Basil Gogos. Those wishing to add their signature to a petition drive may write Ms. Karloff at P.O. Box 2424, Rancho Mirage, Calif., 92270. We’re happy to see there’s no rancor lingering from the 1943 movie, “Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man,” in which, as we recall, the Wolf Man slugged his way to an upset victory in the final scene.

miscelLAny It’s an old joke, but since it’s a Forrest Gump-like line we’ll pass it along: The Sun Valley publication L’Italo Americano printed a letter to the editor from one Enrico Palazzi, who raved about his first visit to Italy, saying his only disappointment was Venice. His travel agent hadn’t warned him that “the city streets were flooded. The flooding was so bad that people have to use little gondolas to get around. . . .”