One-on-One Adds Up for Mentors and At-Risk Youths

It was less than a year ago that Martha, 12, considered dropping out of school. Today the Costa Mesa sixth-grader has much higher aspirations.

“I plan on going to Harvard and becoming a doctor or a lawyer,” she said. “I know it will take a long time, but I don’t care, as long as I am somebody.”

Martha, whose family asked that her last name not be published, attributes her newfound attitude to the influence of her mentor, Barbara McMurray of Laguna Beach.

Martha and Barbara are involved in the YMCA Community Counseling Service’s United for Success Mentor Program, which targets elementary youths at high risk of delinquency and gang involvement.

Mentors such as McMurray provide a positive role model for high-risk children who get limited attention from adults in their lives and who are often surrounded by negative role models. Support and encouragement offered by mentors causes many children to improve their behavior.

“My mentor explained to me how bad I’d feel if I dropped out of school and how things would be really messed up,” said Martha. “She also taught me how to get my grades up. Before I thought I was a failure, but now I’m getting A’s and Bs.”

The one-on-one, undivided attention kids get from their mentors leads to improvement in all areas of their lives, said Adrienne Stokols, director of the YMCA Community Counseling Services.

“School performance improves, kids change who they are associating with, there is a decrease in overall defiant behavior and an increase in confidence and self-esteem,” said Stokols. “The Mentor Program works so well because the kids feel valued, important and heard. One girl said that her mentor helps her learn right from wrong.”

The Mentor Program fills in important gaps in the children’s lives, agreed Margaret Anderson, a fourth through sixth-grade teacher at Whittier Elementary School in Costa Mesa.

“Mentors make children feel special, which is important,” said Anderson. “If children feel no one believes in them, then they won’t believe in themselves, and this will lead to problems academically and socially.”

The effect a mentor can have on a child is really powerful, she said.

“I’ve seen kids headed in the wrong direction really turn around. In some cases, it’s like they are completely different children. They learn to trust adults and get along with people who are different from themselves,” she said.

Kids with mentors often change their attitudes quickly, says McMurray.

“I hadn’t been seeing Martha long when I went to her graduation from fifth to sixth grade last year,” said McMurray, 35, a free-lance writer and publicist. “After the ceremony, her teacher approached me and said that, since I’d been seeing Martha, her attitude had really changed; she had matured and was no longer hanging around with the same crowd.”

The children not only seek help with schoolwork from their mentors, they also go to them for support and advice, said Adriana Molina, program coordinator and counselor for United for Success, who notes that the Mentor Program has the most impact.

Mentors and children spend a minimum of four hours a month together doing activities such as eating out, watching movies, going to the beach, exploring museums, attending plays and concerts or just taking a walk and talking. Some of the mentors also develop good relationships with their child’s family.

Martha’s mother, Martha, 37, was pleasantly surprised with the improvements her daughter has made since she’s been involved with the Mentor Program.

“Barbara (McMurray) is a very special person who has helped Martha a lot,” the mother said in Spanish. “She helps her with homework and takes her to the library for books.”

Martha’s mother has also been delighted with the improvement in her daughter’s behavior since she’s known McMurray.

“I was worried about Martha before; we didn’t communicate as well as we do now,” she said. “Now Martha is more content with the whole family. I also appreciate being able to talk to Barbara and find out how Martha is doing.”

The kids aren’t the only ones who benefit from the relationship.

“The Mentor Program gives you a chance to help kids who are at a sensitive time in their lives,” McMurray said. “I try to give Martha a sounding board. I also feel that she has great potential, so I encourage her to do whatever she wants to do and show her that there are always alternatives.”

Martha has been heeding McMurray’s advice.

“Barbara told me to just talk to my friends at lunchtime and not in class, and that has really helped me,” said Martha. “Now I listen more in class, and my grades are up. She also told me to do a report for extra credit in class, and now the teacher says my grade is better than an A.”

Many mentors find that one of their most difficult tasks is getting their children to open up and trust them. Keith Palmer, 33, began seeing Eddie, a 10-year-old, seven months ago and found it was difficult to get him to talk.

“Eddie is a very shy boy, and I’m also shy, so it was a little hard in the beginning,” said Palmer, a financial analyst who lives in South Laguna and is married.

“At first I wasn’t sure how to act around a fourth-grader, but then I learned to plan our outings. Once I came to understand what he’s interested in, things got easier,” he said.

Now Palmer feels he and Eddie have a strong relationship.

“Eddie calls me frequently and we talk about things he’s interested in such as movies, basketball, music and school,” said Palmer.

Eddie considers Palmer his best friend. “He takes me out places and is really nice to me. I can talk to him about anything,” said Eddie. “Keith makes me laugh. Before I met him, I was very serious, and now I’m a lot more happy.

“I used to just sit in the house and watch TV. Keith gets me out of the house, and now I feel like life is more exciting.”

The Mentor Program is accepting applications for volunteers. There are 70 youths waiting for mentors. Potential mentors must meet with YMCA counselors for at least two sessions and pass DMV and FBI fingerprint record checks. There is a one-year commitment as a mentor, and the YMCA asks that you spend at least four hours per month with your child. All mentors must be at least 18.

For information, contact the YMCA Community Counseling Services’ United for Success Program at (714) 442-1000.