Making a mockery of checkout time: A...

Making a mockery of checkout time: A lost key to Room 332 recently arrived in the mail at the Miramar Sheraton Hotel, along with a note from the Postal Service that said: “Found loose in the mail or has been damaged in handling.”

Just for fun, the folks at the Santa Monica hotel decided to determine how long the key had been loose in the mail. Upon noticing that the key identified the Miramar as a member of a different (Massaglia) chain, they were able to date it to 1975.

“The funny thing,” said Miramar spokeswoman Laurie Raleigh, “is that on the back it says, ‘If this key is lost, please drop in the mail. We guarantee postage.’ ”

Just not fast delivery.

We were flattered, by the way, that Raleigh would show enough trust to mail us the key. At least, we were flattered at first.

“We use magnetic keys now,” she revealed.

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Press releases we never finish: “First there was Superman, then there was Wonder Woman, then came the Wonder Bra. Now Lingerie for Less brings you the Wonder Jock.”

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List of the day: They take their games seriously at the North American Society for Sport History. That’s obvious from the scholarly titles of some of the research papers to be discussed during the group’s convention, which runs today through Monday in Long Beach:

* “Pudgy Stockton and the Post-World War II Phenomenon of the Muscle Beach Girls.”

* “Going to the Dogs: Hostility to Greyhound Racing in Britain, Puritanism or Socialism.”

* “Conflicts Between Amateur and Professional Bicycle Track Racing: The San Jose Burbank Velodrome, 1935-1941.”

* “ ‘Dodger Beisbol Is on the Air’: The Dodgers and the Latin Emergence of Spanish-Language Sportscasting.”

* “Geographical Stability in the Major Leagues, 1903-1953.”

* “Goal Line Stand: The National Women’s Football League and the American Resistance to Women on the Gridiron.”

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Taking advantage of the May/June gloom: Those wanting some armchair sports action can attend the convention by paying $15 per session or $35 per day. The sites are the Queen Mary and Cal State Long Beach (information: 310-435-3511, Ext. 2172).

The “Muscle Beach Girls” seminar is 1:45-3:30 p.m. today on the Queen Mary. At least there’s a vicarious way to enjoy the beach in this overcast weather.

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All wet: Jim Wallischeck of Van Nuys came upon a flyer that seemed directed at people who hog time in the shower. (You know who you are.)

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Would the bears be a hazard?Until we realized the reference was to a street in Simi Valley, we were stunned to hear a radio reporter calmly declare that traffic on the 118 Freeway was backed up “all the way to Yosemite.”

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Bicoastal illness?Mozelle Childs wonders if that explains why Rodney King would be arrested in Pennsylvania and Joey Buttafuoco would be pinched in Hollywood.

misceLAny:

The Tiki News, a new Venice-based publication, reports that one of the first white men to see a surfer was England’s Capt. James Cook. He described the Hawaiians’ hang-10 style this way more than 200 years ago: “The boldness and address with which we saw them perform these difficult and dangerous maneuvers was altogether astonishing.” Cook was later killed by an islander--one of the earliest victims of a surf-turf confrontation.