Guaranteed to happen during the NFL season that begins Sunday and will provide live entertainment in most major U.S. cities:
Rick Mirer, Cortez Kennedy and Eugene Robinson of the Seattle Seahawks will fast on the sidelines. . . .
Some L.A. fans will miss the Raiders when they keep winning, but not the Rams when they keep losing. . . .
Coaches will say that games are decided in the trenches--and spectators will pay attention to only the skill positions. . . .
There will be no ties. . . .
Heart sizes will be more important than 40-yard dash times. . . .
AFC West standings: 1--Oakland, 2--San Diego, 3--Denver, 4--Kansas City, 5--Seattle. . . .
Bill Parcells of the New England Patriots will do the best coaching job. . . .
The consistent Cincinnati Bengals will finish 3-13 for the third consecutive year. . . .
The New York Giants will be happy they got stuck with Tyrone Wheatley. . . .
The Oakland Raiders will learn how to line up onside. . . .
Thirty general managers will complain about a lack of depth. . . .
AFC Central standings: 1--Pittsburgh, 2--Cleveland, 3--Houston, 4--Jacksonville, 5--Cincinnati. . . .
Giant outfielder Deion Sanders will become a year-round San Francisco employee. . . .
Drew Bledsoe will be AFC most valuable player. . . .
Steve Young will repeat as NFC most valuable player. . . .
Clemson will easily outdraw the Carolina Panthers at Clemson. . . .
Somebody will suggest that Karl Malone would make a great tight end. . . .
AFC East standings: 1--New England, 2--Miami, 3--Indianapolis, 4--Buffalo, 5--New York Jets. . . .
Quarterback Dave Krieg will be the Arizona Cardinals’ gain and the Detroit Lions’ loss. . . .
One of Krieg’s wide receivers, Frank Sanders from Auburn, will be a rookie-of-the-year contender. . . .
The Coliseum will have no NFL tenant but a new press box worthy of a Super Bowl. . . .
As usual, the Miami Dolphins will be overrated. . . .
A lot of people, inside and outside Chicago, will root for Chris Zorich to have a big year. . . .
The expansion clubs, Jacksonville and Carolina, will win six games between them. . . .
Troy Aikman will be the leader of the Dallas Cowboys, not Barry Switzer or Jerry Jones. . . .
NFC West standings: 1--San Francisco, 2--Atlanta, 3--New Orleans, 4--St. Louis, 5--Carolina. . . .
Officials’ conferences will last nearly as long as instant-replay reviews. . . .
Bam Morris will make Pittsburgh Steeler fans forget Barry Foster. . . .
New Orleans will still have the French Quarter and Bourbon Street but won’t be quite the same without Morten Andersen. . . .
Vince Evans, 40, will win a game for the Raiders with a touchdown pass. . . .
A 1,000-yard rushing season will be considered a big deal even though it comes out to an average of only 63 yards a game. . . .
Bobby Ross won’t get enough credit for the San Diego Chargers’ success. . . .
NFC Central standings: 1--Chicago, 2--Minnesota, 3--Detroit, 4--Green Bay, 5--Tampa Bay. . . .
Rookie Eric Zeier will replace Vinny Testaverde as the Cleveland Browns’ starting quarterback by midseason. . . .
Once again, the refrain will be: Washington--first in peace, first in war and last in the NFC East. . . .
Jet Coach Rich Kotite vs. the New York tabloids will be a dandy matchup. . . .
The Atlanta Falcons will rely on Jeff George too much. . . .
Al Davis will threaten to move the Raiders south. . . .
Artificial turf will tear up more knees, and league executives will look the other way. . . .
Anaheim Stadium will be even quieter than usual on Sunday afternoons in the fall. . . .
There will be more than electricity in the air at Raider games in Oakland. . . .
NBC commentator Joe Montana will criticize some players, but not the San Francisco 49er or Kansas City Chief quarterbacks. . . .
You will find a lot of unfamiliar names starting for familiar teams. . . .
NFC East standings: 1--Dallas, 2--Arizona, 3--New York Giants, 4--Philadelphia, 5--Washington. . . .
AFC wild cards: San Diego, Cleveland, Miami. . . .
NFC wild cards: Minnesota, Arizona, New York Giants. . . .
AFC champion: New England. . . .
NFC champion: San Francisco. . . .
Super Bowl champion: San Francisco.