COLLEGE FOOTBALL : Only Miami’s Effort Ugly This Time : Hurricanes: Now the joke’s on them as they suffer worst regular-season loss since 1984.

So, maybe the University of Miami should drop football.

The unveiling of the new viewer-friendly Hurricanes under “straight arrow” Coach Butch Davis opened with a resounding thud Saturday at the Rose Bowl.

The upside was that Miami players, mostly, behaved like choirboys.

No Miami player was caught wagging a finger or jiggling his belly for the television cameras. In fact, the Hurricane bench was solemn at game’s end, players hunched with heads down like repentant worshipers.

Even the team mascot, who once pulled a toy machine gun on an opponent, appears to have reformed.

The downside: Miami was thoroughly thrashed by UCLA, 31-8, the Hurricanes’ worst regular-season loss since a 38-3 drubbing by Florida State in 1984.

“Everything was so serious,” Miami middle linebacker Ray Lewis said, “instead of us going out and cracking jokes like we usually do.”

Bring back the old marauders?

“I don’t want to use it as an excuse,” Lewis said, “but we just didn’t have fun. There’s nothing really to be said.”

Times change though, and the NCAA bogeyman still haunts, so Miami may be in for a tough time for a spell.

Saturday marked the debut of the squeaky-clean Davis, a former Jimmy Johnson disciple and Dallas Cowboy defensive coordinator, who was summoned to the quagmire that was the Miami program.

Davis, who turned down a chance to coach the Raiders for this, finds himself in a prickly position as he tries to run a clean program and still satisfy the alumni with victories and bowl appearances.

“Believe me, I’m not disenchanted in the least,” Davis said of his team’s season-opening loss. “It’s just one step. It will tell us an awful lot about our team: who played, how they played, whether we’re playing guys in the right position, who needs to play more.”

Davis will scream when he sees the film. Against UCLA, his team had breakdowns in all departments.

Trailing, 3-0, early in the third quarter, Davis’ punt returner, Earl Little, tried to field a punt on one hop inside his five-yard line with four Bruins descending. The ball skipped off his hands and was recovered in the end zone for a UCLA touchdown.

Little said it was the turning point. He was right.

“It gave them momentum,” he said. “We were shutting them down. It was a bad decision, but that was the decision I made. I’m a man, I’m responsible for it.”

Miami special teams were anything but.

It was also a rough night for quarterback Ryan Collins, who overthrew several open receivers while completing 17 of 33 passes for 188 yards.

Collins, remember, is the quarterback most favored by Miami loyalist Luther Campbell, the controversial leader of the rap group 2 Live Crew.

Campbell, it has been reported, had threatened to spill more beans on the Miami program if Collins was not named the starter.

But that was the old Miami. Davis started Collins because he’s the best Miami has to offer (wink, wink).

But how about the deportment?

“If you want to put the blame on anybody, you can blame me,” Collins said afterward.

Of his throwing problems, he said: “I don’t know what it was. They were playing bump and run. I put the ball up. I don’t want to underthrow anyone. If they make plays, they make plays. There’s nothing I can do.”

Miami basically sputtered on offense all night. It avoided only its second shutout since 1979 with a fourth-quarter touchdown and succumbed to desperation by calling a timeout with 18 seconds left at the UCLA 34, the game hopelessly lost.

The one thing Davis brings to Miami is NFL war stories.

He can remember the time. . . .

“It’s one of 11 games,” Davis said. “It’s history. I told my players my first job as defensive coordinator, Monday Night Football against the Washington Redskins, we got absolutely embarrassed, 35-6 or something like that, then went on to win the Super Bowl.”

Miami will need a similar about-face. The road ahead includes an Oct. 7 meeting at Florida State, which scored 70 points Saturday.

Davis, though, has a plan. His way or the highway.

It may take time for the players to get used to it.