A Year of Wining, Dining and Divine-ing

As the year comes to a close, once again your Social Climes writers weary of our glamorous rounds. We become reflective. We hang up our tuxes and little black dresses. We contemplate growing out our “Friends” haircuts, swear off mashed potatoes made by posh caterers, slip out of our Air Walkers and reminisce about how L.A. partied in 1995. Here are some of the highlights--and low lights--of the year gone by.

The Perfect Venue: Barney’s New York department store in Beverly Hills. At the party following the premiere of “Unzipped” held there in July, one guest remarked, “Finally, a Hollywood party with enough mirrors to serve everyone.”

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We Learn Who Wears the Mouse Ears: An ill-attended premiere party in September for Diane Keaton’s “Unstrung Heroes” did include the Disney triumvirate of Michael Eisner, Michael Ovitz and Joe Roth. A photographer, who requested a shot of the trio, was disappointed when Ovitz demurred. But only momentarily. “You get in this picture now,” Eisner demanded, already posing with Roth. Ovitz’s mug immediately joined the pair.

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Recording Royalty: The music industry’s Grammy Awards, recaptured by Los Angeles last March after being held in New York for two years, inspired new heights of sybaritism at celebrations around town. MCA Polygram entertained 1,200 on its company lot and did not run out of caviar. (“We don’t have anything like this in tennis,” said an awed Martina Navratilova. At the Four Seasons where MCA / Geffen / GRP Records feted the throngs, we spotted a gigantic chocolate CD. Fifty Patina chefs labored over 10 buffets at the Bullocks Wilshire building where Warner Music Group partied. But nobody came close to EMI’s bash at Rex, where the buffet included--honest--suckling pigs.

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Comeback Nonpareil: At the book party Tina Brown threw for Gore Vidal to celebrate his memoir, “Palimpsest,” the author told Roseanne she should “never give in to good taste.” She replied: “How could I with you as my idol?”

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Most Bemusing New Acronym: DISHES, for Determined Involved Supermodels to End Suffering. The cause is a good one--The Project for Pediatric AIDS.

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Uh, Sure Donald: We don’t mind being rebuffed by a celeb, especially when he has good reason. At the premiere party for “Outbreak,” for instance, we approached Donald Sutherland, one of the film’s stars. He lumbered away mid-question, leaving an embarrassed Kiefer Sutherland to do the apologizing. Later, suddenly finding himself inextricably face to face with the very same reporter, the elder Sutherland indicated the paparazzi-filled party being given by the studio to hype the film and said, ‘I’m sorry I couldn’t help you, but this really isn’t the place to be asking questions.” No, of course not, Donald. It’s better to just show up at your house.

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We Stop at Micro-Brews: We don’t know why, out of an entire roomful of Oscar night revelers last March, a young pretty-boy star picked a Social Climes reporter to ask where he could score drugs. We can’t help you there, but could you speak a little closer to the mike?

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Class Will Out: The best entrance of the year was by Elizabeth Hurley at the premiere of “Nine Months” in July, not long after boyfriend Hugh Grant had his fateful encounter with Divine Brown. She made a triumphant appearance wearing a low-cut, short, tight, white spandex Herve Leger bandage wrap evening dress. The Estee Lauder beauty upheld the Code of the Model: Even if you’re not thrilled about being there, look stunning.

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Hollywood Prescience: Hugh Grant’s gaffe was still delicious in certain quarters in September when, at the premiere party for “Steal Big, Steal Little,” one guest said, “The only hope for this movie is if Andy Garcia gets arrested picking up a hooker on Sunset Boulevard.” The film grossed around $3 million.

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Lack of Grace Under Pressure: At Miramax’s Oscar party at the soon-to-be-ex Chasen’s, we asked Roger Avary why he was (we think) the first ever to leave the Academy Awards stage announcing he was going to go pee. Clutching his Oscar for best original screenplay, the coauthor with Quentin Tarantino of “Pulp Fiction” replied, “I don’t know. It’s one of those things. I’m glad this is how I’m going to be remembered.”

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Those Literary Spats: Our gracious loser of the year was Dave Klass, a finalist in the International Imitation Hemingway Competition. This is the contest to write, “one really good page of really bad Hemingway.” When told at the awards dinner that a Newport Beach veterinarian had won, Klass said he’d “like to put him to sleep.”

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If the Gills Fit: It’s been a year of open season on Kevin Costner and his mega-costly “Waterworld.” We liked the industry savant at the film’s premiere in July who said, “Now is not the time for honesty.” We like it because it is a virtually all-purpose caveat suitable for any industry screening or party.

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Hey, TV Execs Like Freebies Too: Call us jaded, but who hasn’t wished there were a way to skip another needlessly long charity event and just have the sponsor-provided goody bag delivered? Leave it to some members of the media to have figured out a way to do just that. We spotted a harried TV cameraman loading equipment into his van in front of the Beverly Hills Hotel last month after having covered a Pediatric AIDS benefit underwritten by Bacardi Limon. Pointing to a lineup of half a dozen gift bags (containing T-shirts and bottles of Caribbean spirits), the man complained, “On top of everything else, my producers told me to bring them some bags back. Like I don’t have enough to do.”

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Farewell: The starry crowd at the closing night of Chasen’s in April made most restaurant openings look lackluster. The demise of one of Hollywood’s most legendary restaurants after 59 years in business began about the time the Reagan administration came to an end and the town’s Young Turks, stars and power brokers moved on to newer and more fashionable places.

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Hello: To the refurbished Beverly Hills Hotel. At the lavish reopening party in June, we heard the architectural description most likely to be used in a Victoria’s Secret catalog when a guest described the Pink Palace’s baroquely plush, salmon / pink ambience as “Malibu Barbie.”

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A Princely Tab: Our favorite Social Services Report of Results was from the UK / LA Foundation. It was the final word on the $5,000-per-couple black-tie benefit dinner for Prince Charles at Aaron and Candy Spelling’s Holmby Hills estate. Until then, we had no idea what it cost to feed royalty. There was the expense of renting or purchasing equipment for the dinner ($40,568), insurance ($37,600), advertising and publicity ($26,705), flowers and plants ($10,280), printing, postage and stationery ($7,492), music ($6,275) and valet parking ($3,352). The catering came in at $25,858. So food fit for a prince (and 249 others) came to about $100 a head.

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The Premiere Nouveau: After seeing the voter registration table set up by the Hollywood Women’s Political Committee at the “Truman” premiere, a publicist said, “This is the Hollywood version of the Motor Voter Bill. You drive up, a valet takes your car, the paparazzi take your picture, you see a movie, have a light supper and then you register to vote.”

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One Dog’s Life: In the category of how neurotic this town can be, we put forward the case of the Hollywood producer who has his dog taking Prozac. An acquaintance who’s met both man and dog says, “he kind of leers at you like a gang member. To me, he’s still a bit cranky.” The dog, not the producer.

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Eat First: The new movie venue of the year is the Steven J. Ross Theater on the Warner Bros. lot. To say it’s plush would be an understatement. Among the details are limestone floors, walnut and cherry wood trim, an immaculate sound system, hand-rubbed plaster walls in the lobby, fabric wallcovering in the theater and seats done stadium-style so everyone has a clear sight line. There is, however, no popcorn allowed inside.

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Quoted: At the AIDS Project Los Angeles eighth annual Commitment to Life fund-raiser in January, honoree Elton John had this to say. “I slept with half of America and came out HIV-negative. I was a lucky, lucky person.”

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Sleep Deprived and Well Fed: Party animals and O.J. Simpson defense attorneys Johnnie Cochran and Robert Shapiro not only impressed us with their stamina, hitting the social rounds by night and showing up in court looking so refreshed the next morning, but we know they also ate pretty well. Cochran, Shapiro, Gerald Uelmen, Alan Dershowitz and Simpson pal Robert Kardashian were all seen during the year at The Grill in Beverly Hills. The frequency of their presence moved attorney Ed Hookstratten (not a Simpson defense attorney) to dub the first row of booths “murderer’s row.”

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A Modest Affair: The Planet Hollywood opening was on a scale that must have staggered even the jaded denizens of Beverly Hills. Two thousand of the Planet’s nearest and dearest were cosseted with three carpeted blocks of Rodeo Drive, 70 pounds of Malossol caviar, mountains of shrimp, soft-shell crabs and other delicacies, 150 valets, 150 security guards and what PH President Robert Earl swore was “the whole Beverly Hills police force.” Earl put the party’s price tag in the seven figures.

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New Genre: The Japanese erotic mystery / fantasy, i.e. “The Mystery of Rampo,” described by one guest at its American premiere in May as “David Lynch meets Luis Bunuel on acid.” Somehow Hollywood translates into any language. A word heard at the worldly evening was gomasuri. It translates literally as “grinding sesame seeds.” Colloquially, it means to kiss up to or polish apples for someone important. So much grinding was going on, it sounded like thunder.

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Expression Du Jour: “Float the boat.” As in the phase: “Hey, good intentions are not gonna float the boat. If this movie’s gonna get made, somebody’s gotta write a check.”

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Ars Longa . . . : With the October openings of MOCA’s Temporary Contemporary and West Coast branches of two major New York galleries, Pace Wildenstein and Gagosian, we thought our city’s art sophistication went up a lot of notches. And we know what we like. After being subjected to rooms and rooms of incomprehensible visual creations, one guest at one of the openings was heard to remark, “All I can say is if I have kids and they want to go to art school, I’m not paying.”

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The Wall of Agents: We won’t miss the virtual roll call from Creative Artists Agency--former CAA chief Michael Ovitz, Ron Meyer and down the company food chain--that showed up in an impenetrable mass at all our favorite fund-raisers and movie premieres and got all the best seats.

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Invitations We Regretted Without Regret:

* “On May 1, a private luncheon will be held at the Honeymoon Hideaway to celebrate the May 1, 1967, honeymoon of Elvis Presley . . . “

* “Le Parc Suite Hotel De Luxe and Belle Cachette, a post-operative retreat, cordially invite you to join us . . . “

* “The highly acclaimed Los Angles design team of Dimitrius and Ricardo will be showing their futuristic fetish leather and vinyl apparel line . . . “

* “There has been an error in the description of tonight’s event at the Savoy in Santa Monica. . . . It is not a Sports Illustrated calendar release party.