Cottons’ Comedy Wears Thin

It’s sweeps month.

Full Of It House.

It’s The Cottons’, high school basketball’s funniest sitcom. Tune in each week to follow the travails and transfers of Bellflower St. John Bosco’s Schea Cotton, as he frolics from one Southland gymnasium to another.

Join this nuclear family--Schea, James, Gaynell and James Jr.--and see who they blast next in tonight’s episode: “Evil Wears Stripes.”

The show opens with the Cottons at the Southern Section office last December, demanding to meet with Commissioner Dean Crowley to discuss those bad, bad, bad referees. Seems those guys with whistles are out to get Lil’ Schea.

They join a long list.

For first-time viewers, past villains have included: St. John Bosco Coach Brian Breslin (since repented), an entire Catholic school (Mater Dei), that darn media (oh, the shame, the shame) and, now, the referees, who, according to the family, have let people pick on the 6-foot-5, 220-pound Schea.

This, of course, would explain previous episodes.

Such as the night two years ago when a Mater Dei teammate had to restrain Cotton from hitting a ref in the Tournament of Champions. Or the time when Schea shoved an official during a traveling team tournament (“I went to say something to [the opposing player],” Cotton said in a magazine interview. “The ref intervened and started to push on me, so I tried to get through him. I tried to move the ref out of my way and when I did, he kicked me out of the game.”)

Oh, the injustice.

Tonight’s laughs are highlighted by brother James’ comment in Student Sports magazine: “I thought we should have looked into Lloyds of London to get [Schea] some insurance. He was getting killed out there. There are some referees that look to protect the player’s personal safety, but it seems like some don’t care.”

Next week: “The Popcorn Vendors’ Conspiracy.”

We’re The Boss.

It’s Orange County’s longest-running soap opera about parents and the power they try to wield. Tonight, Part II of the season finale, “Over The Hill.”

The loving, concerned, and sometimes fair parents at Esperanza High School have pushed the basketball coach out the door. Now they go in search for a replacement. This week’s travels lead them to Nepal (where no one has heard about their shenanigans).

In an effort to lure another coach, they come armed with a statement from Yorba Linda School District’s officials that says: “ . . . all decisions, including personnel issues, are made by the district’s administration based on facts, not outside pressure.”

Unfortunately, no one, not even the monks, buy it.

Next week: “Homeward Bound,” with special guest star Mike Moore, former Aztec coach and current Aztec parent--is he or isn’t he the man for the job? An episode guaranteed to leave you dangling.

NBA Star Search.

The best variety show around, where high school juniors sing that siren song.

Tonight, a chorus line falls in behind Philadelphia high school senior Kobe Bryant, who last week announced he will enter the upcoming NBA draft.

The first local contestant is Woodbridge’s Chris Burgess, who’ll be singing that off-key tune: “If I gain about 10 pounds and work on my outside shot, I think I could go to the NBA.”

Next week: An appearance by Schea Cotton, who will sing “I’ve got to be me.” Stay tuned.