OK, so it might not ward off...

OK, so it might not ward off chupacabras:

We’re hopeful--for purely selfish reasons--that St. Vibiana’s Cathedral stays where it is. We like working near the cathedral because it has long been the home of a life-size statue of St. Emydius, the L.A. Catholic archdiocese’s official protector against earthquakes.

You might argue that Emydius has fallen down on the job a couple of times. True, but for the record, the saint was adopted by the church after the Fort Tejon earthquake of Jan. 9, 1857. That 7.7-plus shaker is considered the last Big One to hit the City of Angels.

BAD CONNECTION: Daily Variety columnist Michael Fleming enters the following as “Exhibit A of why telephone interviews can be so difficult.” He notes that Entertainment Weekly, in a list of books-in-progress, said that author Steven Bach is working on a biography of Mozart. Actually, Bach is working on a biography of a playwright, not a composer. A playwright named Moss Hart.

SOUNDS LIKE . . . : As a collector of such errata, we can add Exhibits B, C and D to Fleming’s argument. We remember an obituary on a sports executive whose grandson was quoted as saying the old man delighted in “filching “ silverware. The subsequent correction explained that the grandson had said “flipping,” not “filching.”

In another article in our files, a professor was quoted, “This probably won’t stop the Iron Ass ‘federal government’ from making raids.” The correction revealed that the professor actually said, not “Iron Ass,” but “INS”--as in, Immigration and Naturalization Service.

And, finally, there was the newspaper that apologized for a glitch in an obituary on a congressman’s grandmother, saying she was actually known to family members “as ‘Big Ma,’ not ‘Big Mouth,’ as reported.”

YOU CAN’T TELL THE EDITORS WITHOUT A PROGRAM: And what of our personal record? It’s far from spotless. We still shudder over a caption we wrote for the old L.A. Herald Examiner--and we can’t even blame the telephone. We poked fun at a Dodger player who was making an error. Only, instead of using the player’s name, we used the similar name of one of the newspaper’s executives.

HEAVEN PROTECT US FROM FEUDING ATTORNEYS: California Lawyer magazine reports that the disclosure that $43,000 in bonuses were paid to Simpson prosecutors Marcia Clark, Christopher Darden and William Hodgman inspired some sarcastic colleagues to draw up a fake “Application for 11% Bonus.” Sample questions from the application, which appeared on bulletin boards in the Criminal Courts Building:

* Will handling the case cause you to be more concerned about your appearance and public speaking than your courtroom presentation?

* Will the case cause the office to provide a support staff and trial lawyers to handle any of the following types of witnesses: Evidence collection, coroner, domestic violence, DNA, glove experts (for cases where sizing decisions exist)?

* What was the result of the trial? (Note: Unless you lost the trial, held a press conference claiming you performed admirably, lauded the performance of your ‘staff,’ and put your public image above all else, you do not qualify).

miscelLAny:

Doug Hays of Glendale came upon a map in a local newspaper that calls into question Huntington Beach’s claim to the title of Surf City. Unless the title refers to its apparent proximity to the L.A. River.