Rolling in the Aisles : It’s No Laughing Matter When a Game Draws Only 15--or Is It?

Usher Elliot Berlend leans against a Forum wall, looking pleasant enough for a guy who has been on his feet for three-fourths of a sporting event.

“Hey.”

“Hey,” he says.

“Been busy?”

“You’re the first today,” he says.

“The first person you’ve spoken to?”

“The first person I’ve seen.”

*

It was so empty, footsteps echoed through concourses.

It was so desolate, locked concession stands surrounded spotless bathrooms.

It was so quiet, you could hear the scoreboard.

The final total hummed, Los Angeles Blades 10, San Diego Barracudas 2. But the real story Monday was on the other side of the glass that separates professional roller hockey players from their fans.

Because there were more players than paying fans.

“I think bizarre would be a very good word for this, don’t you?” said Alan Leggett, a Barracuda defenseman.

For the first time in the history of alternative sports in the Southland, bizarre may not even come close.

A professional sporting event was played at the Forum where Los Angeles fans were not invited, parking lots not attended, tickets not taken, hot dogs not sold.

An event was held at the Forum without cheerleaders, celebrities or beer salesmen.

The idea was for the Forum to allow the Barracudas to rent the place for a “home” game against the Blades because the Barracudas say their arena is unsafe.

For it to best resemble a Barracudas’ “home” game, San Diego owner Dennis Murphy decided only San Diego season-ticket holders would be officially informed. And Murphy decided to start the game at noon on a Monday to scare anybody else away.

The Forum folks, wanting their team to earn a playoff spot without the stain of a forfeit victory, shrugged and let Murphy have his way.

The result? Undoubtedly the smallest crowd to witness a professional sporting event in Los Angeles.

Estimated paid attendance, of Barracuda season ticket holders: 15.

Estimated total attendance, including Blade fans who heard the rumors and showed up, Forum employees on their lunch break, King employees who were thrown out of their locker room, and one Air Force lieutenant who fell asleep: 75.

“The only thing I’ve ever experienced like this was a brawl in junior hockey,” said Barracuda forward Stephane St. Amour.

A hockey brawl? So what?

“It was a brawl that happened after all the lights went out,” he said. “Guys swinging at each other in the dark. Fans in the stands holding up their lighters so we could see who to punch.”

St. Amour shrugged.

“The only thing good about today was, you make a mistake, there’s nobody in the stands to yell at you,” he said.

The biggest mistake Monday was made by the well-intentioned people who run the Blades and the Forum.

By trying to maintain the integrity of the four-year-old Roller Hockey International League, they undermined that very integrity.

Not to mention, spilled grease on the reputations of those alternative sports vying for the same respectability among Southland adults that they enjoy among children.

If this can happen in roller hockey, how immune can arena football and indoor soccer be?

Roller hockey’s defenders, pretty much everyone in that crowd of 75, angrily accused the media of sensationalizing Monday’s game while ignoring a sport that averages 4,671 fans per pro game nationwide.

“It’s a shame the news media comes out to a game that’s not open to the public,” said Amy Fogg, president of the 75-member Blade fan club.

She made the media’s point exactly.

How many times has a professional baseball, basketball, football or hockey game not been open to the public?

But back to the grease, which led to Monday’s mess.

Murphy alleges that a Gloria Estefan concert left grease on the floor of the Sports Arena in San Diego recently. He said it was unsafe for his players--an allegation Arena management denied--and so made arrangements to play his final two home games on the road.

Since one of those games was against the Blades, and since the Blades are fighting for a playoff spot, the Forum folks offered their home for a day.

“What could have been worse than a forfeit? We did not want that to happen.” said Tim Harris, Blade general manager.

Murphy admitted he did his best to keep all Blade fans away to appease the fans of teams fighting with the Blades for a playoff spot.

“I wanted to make it as fair as I could for the rest of the league,” he said. “We could not give L.A. a home game. We did our best not to.”

Instead, he gave us The Ghost Bowl.

A pre-game announcement warning was issued, as it always is, about profanity in the stands.

A similar warning should have been issued to the players, whose every expletive was clear.

Announcements were made about the sale of box lunches in the Forum Club.

The crowd grew by one in the first half when San Diego Coach Steve Martinson was thrown out of the game and simply walked up and joined his fans.

OK, so maybe a forfeit wasn’t the worst possible thing.

“It’s like, no good deed goes unpunished,” said Harris.

The Blades, for the record, have been a reasonably successful franchise, averaging 3,639 fans, and can clinch a playoff berth at the Forum tonight at 7:30 against Sacramento.

The Barracudas, for the record, have yet to play their ugliest hand. They will finish their “home” schedule this week with a game against Sacramento at Stuart’s Rollerworld in Orange.

“We’re playing at a roller rink?” St. Amour said. “I can see it now. Somebody is going to shoot the puck right into the restaurant.

“I don’t know what Stuart’s Wallyworld is but, right now, I don’t want to know.”