Serving all of L.A.’s shopping needs:Marty Rauch...

Serving all of L.A.’s shopping needs:

Marty Rauch of L.A. found a listing for five businesses that shared the same phone number as well as the same address on Manchester Boulevard:

* Always Forever Yours Flower Shoppe.

* Always Forever Yours Invitations.

* Always Forever Yours Wedding Chapel.

* Always Forever Yours Counseling Service.

And, inevitably:

* Always Forever Yours Divorce Service.

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FOOD FOR THOUGHT: Christopher and Elizabeth Bury of Pasadena came upon a Santa Barbara eatery that evidently views “mad cow disease” as a sane advertising theme (see photo).

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CREEPY CREDITS: Ellen Sawyer of L.A. points out that there’s a real ‘90s look to the credits for “The Fan,” which is about a baseball player (Wesley Snipes) who is stalked by an admirer (Robert DeNiro).

Lt. John Lane, one of the movie’s consultants (see accompanying), heads the L.A. Police Department’s anti-stalking unit, the first of its kind in the nation.

Just another advantage that L.A. offers the filmmaker of today!

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HIS HONOR, THE JUROR: When Mayor Richard Riordan received a summons for jury duty in April, he was granted a postponement due to a “work conflict.” Mainly, he was fighting with the City Council over the city’s budget.

But that battle is over, so he will begin his 10-day stint as a juror in downtown L.A. next month. Unlike the case with many workers, he won’t be taking a pay cut. His $5 per day jury wage will be a sizable increase over his pay as mayor, which is $1 per year.

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ALWAYS FOREVER YOURS JUROR TOURS: Reader Phil Hopkins, who just completed a similar obligation, doubts that Riordan will be selected for any juries. He offers His Honor these suggestions on how to survive two weeks of sitting around:

* “Soft drinks in the jury rooms are 70 cents each but the machines will accept $1 bills in ‘good condition.’ So, don’t forget to iron your cash the night before.

* “Free jigsaw puzzles and a limited selection of magazines are available. Bring several ‘big’ books, the ones you’ve been trying to read for months. If you decide to be social, don’t shuffle the dominoes too loudly--this mistake nearly resulted in a fistfight at the Traffic Court jury room the other day.

* “If you’re assigned to the county courthouse, don’t bother looking for the ‘cafeteria’ on the eighth floor. It was closed five years ago but the building’s signage, including placards located in every elevator, continues to advertise it.”

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MORE JURY INSTRUCTIONS: Wear a wristwatch, Mr. Mayor. The county courthouse’s tower clock, visible to tourists and other visitors for blocks around, hasn’t worked for years. A victim of one of L.A.’s earthquakes, it ranks up there with City Hall’s black funeral band among downtown’s real eyesores.

Come to think of it, perhaps Riordan will make good use of his jury time and think of solutions for these two blemishes.

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THE JURY’S OUT ON THIS PLOY: On Wednesday, shock jock Howard Stern (KLSX-FM) played a promo for his show from a woman who said she was an O.J. Simpson juror.

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READ AT YOUR OWN PERIL: Aerial advertising banners are old stuff these days. Maybe that’s why one banner being pulled through the skies of Long Beach began with this eye-catcher:

“STUDENT PILOT . . . HELP!”

miscelLAny:

The cost of a parking permit for students at Beverly Hills High is $240 per year. Hey, would you want to park your Mercedes on a public street?