This Game Is Grip It and Quip It

Here is a list of golf truths:

--The hole is too small.

--The fairway is too narrow.

--The shaft of that darned driver is bent and that’s why the ball went sideways off the tee.

There are others. For instance, there’s nothing like playing some friendly golf in sunshine that could tan a rock, basking in the warm glow of a $2.1-million purse. Before you can say, “birdie,” you have some happy players.

What’s not to feel good about? The worst anybody can do at the Diners Club Matches here this weekend is win $25,000, which always comes in handy this time of year . . . or any other time, really.

Maybe that’s why the players seemed in such good spirits Friday at PGA West, where eight two-player teams from the PGA, LPGA and Senior PGA tours completed the second day of round-robin match play.

For Scott Hoch and Kenny Perry, the golf course turned out to be something more along the lines of a comedy club. First, they defeated John Cook and Craig Stadler, 5 and 3, then they started laughing.

Hoch told Perry to stop making so much noise swinging.

“Scott complained about how my wrists were cracking,” Perry said.

How did Perry get teamed with Hoch?

“I begged him for three years,” Perry said. “He told me I was fifth on his list. This year, he told me I was third on his list. It was awful nice of him to choose me.”

Hoch said he likes match play.

“It’s not just you messin’ up out there,” he said. “You can spread it around a little bit.”

Neither Hoch nor Perry is known for his abiding wit, but you can see the effect of that combination of sunshine, big-time money and so little pressure you couldn’t inflate a bicycle tire.

The prevailing mood was decidedly upbeat Friday--with one notable exception: Laura Davies walked off the course after losing her match with partner Karen Lunn and jumped into her rental car still wearing her spikes.

Steve Jones and Rick Fehr worked 19 holes for a 1-up victory over Mark Brooks and Andrew Magee, thanks to Fehr’s tap-in birdie on the first playoff hole.

Jones was grateful for having Fehr as a partner. “My little desert rat,” he called Fehr.

Tom Lehman and Duffy Waldorf had the day’s longest match, a 21-hole march that ended when Lehman drained a 15-footer for a 1-up victory.

Jay Sigel and Vicente Fernandez beat Jim Dent-Gary Player in the senior PGA bracket, 3 and 2, and continued the theme of the day.

Sigel said he chose Fernandez as partner for two reasons, because Fernandez led the tour in putting and was No. 7 in birdies.

Said Sigel, “I was born at night, but it wasn’t last night.”