Spelling disaster:Undoubtedly, you, like this columnist, have...

Spelling disaster:

Undoubtedly, you, like this columnist, have grieved over the many problems that producer Aaron Spelling has encountered with his Holmby Hills estate. The roof of the 56,500-square-foot mansion leaks, he charged in a recent lawsuit.

Previously, he complained that the bowling alley wasn’t strong enough to support the family bowling balls. And then there was that toilet that was positioned in front of a window “so that the user would be directly visible.”

These problems have apparently driven Spelling to seek revenge against the building industry. The premiere of his new TV series, “Pacific Palisades,” included a murder committed by an architect as well as the collapse of a floor in a mall. The latter disaster occurred as the episode ended.

Next week we find out if the mall had a bowling alley.

AS IF L.A. DOESN’T HAVE ENOUGH PHONIES . . . : Marion Hoy of Panorama City noticed an ad in a weekly publication placed by a not-very-sincere individual (see excerpt).

WHEN MEDIATION FAILS . . . : Barbara Bowman passed along a flier for a San Fernando Valley gym that allows spouses to settle their differences, one way or another (see excerpt).

SPACEY STUFF: Some of the offbeat items available at the Spring 1997 Space Memorabilia Auction May 3-4 at Superior Stamp and Coin in Beverly Hills, along with their estimated value:

* A male cosmonaut’s “urine-collection device” consisting of a cup attached “to a squeezable rubber siphon which in turn has a wire-wrapped plastic hose and metal connection attached. . . . This appears to be a used unit, $500-$750.”

* A cosmonaut’s “survival machete . . . carried on all Soyuz flights as part of the survival kit, $200-$300.”

* Uneaten chicken salad “in a freeze-dried pouch, complete with its original germicidal tablet at top and a blue Velcro tab at bottom . . . $500-$600.”

* A brass ashtray that is “inscribed ‘For Your Contribution to the First Manned Lunar Landing’ . . . $150-$200.”

* A white-and-black ceramic liquor bottle in the shape of the space shuttle. “The tail and motor assembly is a removable plastic unit to allow access to the bottle opening. Empty . . . $75-$100.”

Unlike the urine-collection device, the liquor bottle was not opened on board (the booze wouldn’t really go with chicken salad, anyway).

FROM THE MING TO THE MOGUL: By the way, it’s not true that the only two man-made objects visible from outer space are the Great Wall of China and Spelling’s house.

WAVES ON THE GRIDIRON? The April 11 edition of the Chronicle of Higher Education, which lists the money spent at 305 Division 1 colleges, contains a shocking disclosure. Pepperdine, it says, appropriated $1.2 million for its football team last year. We say shocking because Pepperdine hasn’t competed in the sport since 1962.

Apparently, a line of type was misplaced in the statistical matter.

We forgot to check if the publication also says USC has a football team.

miscelLAny:

What better place to spotlight April as Earthquake Preparedness Month than the Epicenter, home of the Rancho Cucamonga Quakes baseball team? The other day, Tremor, the team mascot, demonstrated the “duck-and-cover” drill on the field between innings as part of a campaign co-sponsored by the Western Insurance Information Service. As Jay Berman’s photo illustrates, the team also has taken the lead in reminding fans to guard against falling objects (see photo).