ALREADY FEELING THE . . . SQUEEZE

This is the last year in college football that everything can go to Lubbock in a handbasket and, rest assured, it will.

It took 100 years--granted, these things take time--but the back-room boys finally hatched a plan to fairly determine a national champion short of the way every other sport determines its champion--with a playoff.

The problem is, the plan doesn’t take effect until next year, leaving one last nostalgic rendezvous with chaos as the season careens toward another “Please God let Texas upset Nebraska on a heroic fourth-down call and please let Ohio State beat Arizona State in the last minute at the Rose Bowl” scenario so that a “true” 1-2 national title game can be played next Jan. 2 at the Orange Bowl.

In case you missed it, the Pacific 10 and Big Ten, with help from marriage counselor ABC, have united with the Alliance to form the Super Alliance, beginning in 1998.

This means, should Florida State and Arizona State finish 1-2 in future final regular-season polls, the schools can actually play each other for the national title.

What a concept!

This is in contrast to last year’s numerologists’ novella, in which the Sugar Bowl couldn’t offer the world No. 1 versus No. 2 on Jan. 2 until No. 4 Ohio State beat No. 2 Arizona State on Jan. 1 in the Rose Bowl, to which the Sun Devils were contractually bound.

The “boys” also settled that thorny Brigham Young question after the Western Athletic Conference took its case against the Alliance to the House Judiciary Committee and C-SPAN--with Southeastern Conference Commissioner Roy Kramer cast in the role of evil Alliance co-conspirator.

Background: BYU finished the regular season 13-1 and No. 5 in the polls but was shunned by all three $8-million bowl games because the WAC was not included as part of the original Alliance.

The key word here was “Sherman,” as in Antitrust, as in Act.

Result: The “boys” agreed to give any WAC or Conference USA school that finishes with a poll rating of sixth or higher an automatic bid. Any year the conferences don’t get into an alliance game, each school will get $100,000.

There, that oughta shut ‘em up.

The problem, again, is the WAC deal doesn’t kick in until next year, meaning BYU could finish 13-1 and No. 5 again this year and still watch 7-4 Texas cash an $8-million Orange Bowl check.

Nah, won’t happen. BYU doesn’t have a quarterback.

The odds of the national championship getting fouled up one last time?

About as good as Steve Spurrier ever again chucking his visor.

Penn State of the Big Ten opens the season as No. 1 in the Associated Press poll; Pac-10’s Washington is No. 3 in the coaches’ poll.

The bowl sweating it out is the Orange, which in theory gets to match the nation’s top two teams for the national title this year unless said teams are playing for the national title in the Rose Bowl.

Enough politics, though, the season kicks off Saturday, with traditional power Northwestern favored over perennial doormat Oklahoma in the Pigskin Classic at Chicago.

The Quick Once-Around

* The NFL offered Tennessee senior Peyton Manning the moon to come out after his junior season, but Manning returned to Knoxville instead and flashed his backside to a former female trainer (See Whited, settlement, $300,000).

* Could have used the Teamsters Department: There are 24 new coaches in Division I-A. Hal Mumme, Kentucky, meet Mike DuBose, Alabama. With four coaching changes, the Big Ten had the biggest turnover since the Roosevelt Administration--Teddy’s.

Thanks again, Gary Barnett.

* Overtime. Anyone who thinks those 26 first-year tiebreakers weren’t good for the game didn’t see California’s 56-55, four-OT (Oxygen Tank) victory over Arizona last year.

OK, that was a little too close to “Rescue 911,” which led to the following amendment:

This year, after the second overtime, teams will be required to try a two-point conversation. Call it the “Tomey Rule,” named in honor of Arizona Coach Dick, who suffered through that Cal loss and is a member of the Rules Committee.

* No, Arizona State has not dropped its football program. It only seems that way. After coming within a minute of winning the national championship, the Sun Devils are not ranked in the preseason top 25 in either the writers’ or coaches’ poll.

Wait a minute.

Is Jake Plummer not back?

* Time flies. Doesn’t it seem like just yesterday that Eddie Robinson took the Grambling State job? Actually, it was 1941. Uh-hum, Robinson has been told to announce this will be his last season and here’s hoping college football’s winningest coach goes out on top. The Tigers have lost 14 of their last 22 games and sweated out a recent NCAA investigation in which the school was found guilty of minor violations.

Mid-Preview Pop Quiz

1. Which Division I-A team has the nation’s longest current winning streak?

2. Of the major California schools, which has won the most games the last two seasons?

3. Who is the nation’s leading returning quarterback?

4. Which conference had the best bowl record last year?

5. Who are the six active Division I coaches who have won national titles?

(Answers below. No peeking.

Four Streaks We Predict Will Mercifully End

* Prairie View’s. The NCAA-record losing skein stands at 67. The Panthers’ new coach is Gregory Johnson. The quarterback is sophomore Josh Barnes. The streak will end Sept. 13 against Langston.

* Missouri’s. The Tigers have posted 13 consecutive losing seasons, but Larry Smith’s team has 16 starters and quarterback Corby Jones from last year’s 5-6 edition, which won three of its last five games.

* Northwestern’s. After two consecutive Big Ten titles, the sky falls this season.

Reason 1: After a two-year break in the schedule, the Wildcats play Ohio State this year.

Reason 2: Northwestern is minus 13 starters off the 1995 miracle Rose Bowl team. Barnett had a great recruiting year, though, so look out in ’98.

* California receiver Bobby Shaw’s. He is playing for his third coach in three seasons. He started under Keith Gilbertson, played last year for Steve Mariucci and now has Tom Holmoe. Shaw’s record ends here, unless Holmoe gets canned midseason.

* Colorado’s. The Buffaloes will end a five-game losing streak to nemesis Nebraska on Nov. 28 in Boulder. Otherwise, Rick Neuheisel leaves to coach the Dallas Cowboys.

Three Streaks That Won’t Die

* Nebraska’s. The Cornhuskers will extend their NCAA record with their 36th consecutive winning season and 29th successive bowl trip. And Coach Tom Osborne will extend his 25-year streak of defending players with rap sheets.

* Florida State’s. The most impressive record in major college football? The Seminoles have finished in the top four in the Associated Press poll each of the last 10 seasons. They should make it 11 unless Bobby Bowden has to suspend the rest of the starting defense.

* Oregon State’s. Under new Coach Mike Riley, the Beavers will post their 27th consecutive losing season. But there’s hope for the new millennium.

Five Things, Guaranteed, You Will Not See This Season

* Texas Tech bestowing the Byron Hanspard Scholastic Excellence Award.

* Penn State Coach Joe Paterno hawking his own line of contact lenses.

* Ohio State Coach John Cooper loosening up the offense for the Michigan game.

* The Big 12 Conference referred to as “Super.” The over-hyped league last year went 11-14 against the Atlantic Coast Conference, Big Ten, Pac-10, Southeastern Conference and WAC.

* ESPN commentator Lee Corso saying something that makes you say later, “Hey, you know, Corso was right.”

Pop Quiz Answers

1. Marshall, with 15. It was a trick question. The Thundering Herd was Division I-AA last season but has upgraded to I-A. Of schools that played major college last year, BYU has the longest streak, 12.

2. San Diego State, with 16.

3. John Dutton, Nevada. He finished with a pass efficiency rating of 153.8, better than Manning’s mark of 147.7

4. The SEC was 5-0 in bowl games.

5. John Robinson, Paterno, Spurrier, Bobby Bowden, LaVell Edwards, Danny Ford and Osborne.

Numbers Game

5: Number of Pac-10 schools in the Rose Bowl the last five years--Arizona State, USC, Oregon, UCLA, Washington.

27: Number of passes Florida quarterback Doug Johnson has thrown.

28: Number of passes Johnson might throw in the first half of the Gators’ opener Aug. 30 against Southern Mississippi.

11: Number of victories Paterno needs to become the fourth major college coach to reach 300. Paterno is chasing Bear Bryant, who had 323; Pop Warner, 319, and Amos Alonzo Stagg, 314.

8: Number of Washington quarterbacks who have played at least four seasons in the NFL the last two decades: Warren Moon, Mark Brunell, Chris Chandler, Billy Joe Hobert, Hugh Millen, Cary Conklin, Steve Pelluer and Tom Flick.

0: Number of UCLA players selected in last year’s NFL draft.

Cream Puff Schedule Award

Kansas State is one of only six schools that have won nine or more games the last four seasons. No wonder. This year, the Wildcats open with Northern Illinois, Ohio U. and Bowling Green. Ah, but then Kansas State goes to Nebraska. The Wildcats haven’t beaten Nebraska since 1968.

Honorable mention: Penn State gets Paterno four victories closer to 300 with opening appetizers Pittsburgh, Temple, Louisville and Illinois, which had a combined 12-32 record last year.

The Nittany Lions don’t play a game that matters until Oct. 11 against Ohio State. And that’s a home game.

Schedules Only the AD Could Love

UCLA opens with Washington State, Tennessee, Texas and Arizona. Tennessee starts with Texas Tech, UCLA and Florida. Michigan kicks off with Colorado, Baylor and Notre Dame. Washington opens with BYU, San Diego State and Nebraska.

Don’t Be Surprised If

* Florida State freshman tailback Travis Minor emerges as a star and turns out to be a bigger, faster version of Warrick Dunn. Minor is cut from the same cloth, having starred, like Dunn, at Catholic High in Baton Rouge. Minor wore Dunn’s No. 28 as a prep and scored 52 touchdowns in three years.

* Wisconsin’s Ron Dayne suffers a mild sophomore jinx. Street & Smith magazine calls the 260-pound Dayne the biggest thing to hit Madison since pasteurization. He rushed for 2,109 yards as a true freshman, but his team is breaking in four new offensive linemen this season.

* Tim Couch becomes a star quarterback at Kentucky, now that cloud-of-dust disciple Bill Curry is gone and pass-happy Hal Mumme has taken over.

* Colorado State wins the WAC title and quarterback Moses Moreno becomes a household name.

* Temple gets kicked out of the Big East if it has another lousy, empty-seat season.

* Auburn Coach Terry Bowden’s collar gets tight if he doesn’t improve on last year’s 8-4 record.

Three Key September Matchups

* Sept. 6--Florida State at USC. A critical show-me game for Trojan coach Robinson, who can prove with a win at the Coliseum that his program is capable of winning another national title. On the other hand, with a win, the Seminoles can kick off another national-title run.

* Sept. 13--Colorado at Michigan. The last two games were college football epics, decided on last-second Hail Mary passes.

* Sept: 20--Tennessee at Florida. This game is the reason Manning came back. The Volunteers are 21-3 the last two years but have lost the SEC East title both years to Florida. In the decade, the Gators have scored 138 points in three victories over Tennessee at the Swamp.

Out-On-A-Limb National Championship Pick

North Carolina.

Don’t laugh. The Tar Heels were 10-2 last year, and the two losses were a 13-0 defeat at Florida State and a bitter come-from-ahead 20-17 loss to Virginia at Charlottesville. North Carolina led, 17-3, with 10 minutes left.

The Tar Heels have nine of 11 starters from the nation’s No. 1 defense. They have two first-string caliber quarterbacks, Chris Keldorf and Oscar Davenport, and the nation’s best receiving corps in Octavus Barnes, Na Brown and L.C. Stevens.

The schedule breaks right too, with the Tar Heels getting Stanford, Virginia and Florida State at home.

The concerns are running back, special teams, a Nov. 15 trip to Clemson, and the fact that Florida State is 39-1 since joining the ACC.

Fact: With 44, North Carolina has more victories the last five seasons than Notre Dame (43) and Michigan (42).

(BEGIN TEXT OF INFOBOX / INFOGRAPHIC)

COLLEGE FOOTBALL ‘97: DAY 1

THE TIMES’ TOP 25

SELECTIONS BY STAFF WRITER CHRIS DUFRESNE

1. North Carolina

2. Penn State

3. Florida

4. Florida State

5. Washington

6. Nebraska

7. Tennessee

8. Colorado

9. Notre Dame

10. Ohio State

11. LSU

12. Stanford

13. Miami

14. Texas

15. Auburn

16. Syracuse

17. Arizona State

18. Alabama

19. Michigan

20. USC

21. Clemson

22. Colorado State

23. BYU

24. UCLA

25. Marshall

(BEGIN TEXT OF INFOBOX / INFOGRAPHIC)

THE TIMES’ RANKING

Team: Comment

1. North Carolina: Just returned from Chapel Hill; sold top spot for $$ and trinkets.

2. Penn State: Great coach, great program, great schedule . . . new quarterback.

3. Florida: The story this year will be the Gators’ defense .

4. Florida State: Trying to hire away Nebraska’s crisis manager.

5. Washington: Isn’t NCAA probation supposed to punish a program?

6. Nebraska: 47-3 the last four seasons; fans remember the three.

7. Tennessee: Season hangs on Sept. 20 date at Florida.

8. Colorado: Once again, Nebraska stands in way of Alliance bowl.

9. Notre Dame: New coach, new stadium, new locker rooms . . . old quarterback.

10. Ohio State: Rose Bowl MVP Germaine starts season on the pine?

11. LSU: Have penciled in Tigers to win SEC West crown.

12. Stanford: Picked the right year not to play Washington.

13. Miami: Can offense survive loss of WR Jammi German?

14. Texas: Sources say Mackovic replays that fourth-down call 10 times a day.

15. Auburn: Three consecutive 8-4 seasons won’t cut it, T. Bowden.

16. Syracuse: Funny, Orangemen always seem to lose when it counts.

17. Arizona State: Shunned in every national poll but this one.

18. Alabama: New coach changed name from Mike Dubose to DuBose. Really.

19. Michigan: Last won national title year Dewey beat Truman--Chicago Tribune.

20. USC: First poll fib. Absolutely no pressure on Robinson in opener.

21. Clemson: So good Nebraska wouldn’t play Tigers in Pigskin Classic.

22. Colorado State: Poll stay could be short: plays Colorado on Sept. 6.

23. Brigham Young: WAC threatening lawsuit over sub-par ranking.

24. UCLA: Lots of starters back. But are any of them good?

25. Marshall: Last year, the best Division I-AA team ever .