Laugh Lines

* “Oprah Winfrey, along with Michael Jordan and Walter Payton, may be interested in buying the Chicago Bears,” says Jerry Perisho. “The team is worth about $205 million, or roughly the amount Winfrey, Jordan and Payton make for the three hours a typical NFL game takes.”

* “The big rumor on the set of ‘Murphy Brown’ is that they may have Murphy die at the end of the season,” says Jay Leno. “If they gotta kill off a TV character, why not Urkel?”

* “Flight attendants want a limit on carry-on luggage,” says Kenny Noble Cortes. “Are kids who scream and kick the seat in front of them considered carry-ons?”