No Academy to Face, Just Some Bad Actors

A review of Week 9 in the NFL, and maybe Steve Mariucci couldn’t beat Navy, but he has had no trouble knocking the stuffings out of the Rams, Falcons and Saints.

Rookie Mistake

Tight end Chad Lewis made it into the game for five plays, his final appearance resulting in an eight-yard touchdown reception to lift the Eagles over the Cowboys, 13-12. Lewis, a 26-year-old rookie who spent two years in China on a Mormon mission, was so excited about scoring, he heaved the football into the stands.

“It’s the first time my parents had come to a game in Veterans Stadium, and I didn’t know where they were sitting, but I just wanted to throw it to them,” said Lewis, who now has eight career catches, including two touchdowns--both against the Cowboys. “But now I kind of I wish I had that ball back so I could keep it.”

Lewis not only lost the ball, but most likely will be tagged with the standard $500 NFL fine for throwing a football in the stands.

The Scapegoat

The Falcons started Tony Graziani at quarterback because Chris Chandler can’t stay healthy, then in the second half were forced to go to Billy Joe Tolliver, who won praise from TNT broadcaster and Rhodes scholar Pat Haden.

Too bad Coach Dan Reeves wasn’t watching TV, however, because Monday morning Reeves fired Tolliver and signed former Steeler quarterback Jim Miller.

They Say the Darnedest Things

Graziani completed four of 18 passes for 24 yards and had two passes intercepted. “Looking at the film, Tony didn’t do that bad of a job,” Reeves said.

Obviously, horror films don’t scare him.

Box Office Disaster

If it was a Broadway play, The Jake Plummer Show would have closed after the opening act, a wretched flop with Cardinal fans demanding ticket refunds for raising false expectations. Plummer, the former Arizona State quarterback, no different than any other NFL rookie thrust into battle unprepared, had four passes intercepted and was sacked six times.

“I’m going to remember this day the rest of my life,” said Plummer, and so are the suckers who paid to see the show.

Brotherly Love

Monday morning’s Philadelphia Daily News featured a big picture of the play on which Dallas quarterback Troy Aikman sustained a concussion after getting slammed in the helmet by Eagle defender Jimmie Jones. The headline above the picture read: “That Hits The Spot.”

Making History

Fans wore paper bags at one time to show their displeasure for their football team, calling them the ‘Aints, but never in their 31-year history had that team failed to score a point in back-to-back games--that is until Mike Ditka became coach and anointed Danny Wuerffel his starting quarterback in place of Heath Shuler.

Three Teams to Watch Closer

1. Seattle--Senior citizens basking in Moon light.

2. Minnesota--Dennis Green wants to buy the Vikings so Paul Tagliabue has to hand him the Lombardi Trophy.

3. Oakland--And Jeff George hasn’t even played poorly yet.

Stats To Ponder

The Saints have yet to score a touchdown in the first quarter this season; they may not score a touchdown the rest of the season. . . . The Cowboys gave up 19 sacks in 16 games last season; they have given up 20 in eight games this season. . . . Philadelphia’s defense has given up two touchdowns in four games at home, 13 in four games on the road. . . . Marshall Faulk ran eight times for Indianapolis on the same field in San Diego where he proved himself as one of college’s best runners, and gained 11 yards.

If All the Planets Are Aligned Correctly

The 13-1 Broncos will be playing the 13-1 49ers in San Francisco on Monday night, Dec. 15, in a preview of Super Bowl XXXII.

Defenseless

The Seattle Seahawks piled up 554 yards in offense and scored 45 points against Oakland’s defense in keeping with the Raiders’ new commitment to rolling over and playing dead.

This Week’s MVP

NFL officials, who awarded a touchdown to Minnesota in a 10-6 victory over Tampa Bay, although Viking fullback Charles Evans never made it into the end zone.

“I saw the guy on the ground and the ball wasn’t past the goal line and then the ref comes running over saying it was a TD,” Tampa Bay linebacker Hardy Nickerson said.

In Philadelphia, one official spotted the ball at the 33-yard line following Irving Fryar’s fourth-down catch, and another had it at the 32. The 33 would have turned the ball over to the Cowboys. The 32 gave the Eagles a first down. There was a discussion, probably a flip of the coin and a reminder the game was being played in Philadelphia and 32 won the debate, keeping the Eagle drive alive and enabling them to win the game.

Practice, Practice

Mark Rypien threw his first pass since 1995 in relief of Ram starter Tony Banks. It was intercepted.

This Week’s Kevin Butler Goof Award

Offensive coordinator Dan Henning, although one of the game’s better coaches, continues to be shadowed by bad luck. After an unsuccessful tour of duty as coach of the San Diego Chargers and Boston College, Henning now calls plays for the Buffalo Bills. Bad plays.

After the Bills fought back from a 20-0 deficit to send the game into overtime against Denver, Henning called for an end-around that resulted in a 20-yard loss and fumble, setting up the Broncos for a game-winning field goal.

Kevin Butler, Part II

Butler’s replacement in Arizona, Joe Nedney, did not miss any field-goal attempts. Didn’t try any either.

Inspiration

The Giants trailed the Bengals, 21-10, at halftime and New York Coach Jim Fassel, who comes across like a kindergarten teacher, went ballistic, yelling and screaming at his players.

“He almost broke a few blood vessels,” Giant wide receiver Chris Calloway said.

The Giants then ran out onto the field and scored the next 19 points to win.

Bizarre Story of the Week

Pittsburgh linebacker Greg Lloyd cheap-shots Jacksonville wide receiver Kennan McCardell on the first play of the game because he thought McCardell had made a threatening telephone call to his house. Lloyd said the guy sounded just like McCardell. Said McCardell: “How would you know? I never talked to you before.”