NBA’s Next Exhibition: Crying Game

Greg Cote of the Miami Herald figuratively shedding crocodile tears about the plight of NBA players during the lockout:

“In Los Angeles, one distraught, penny-pinching player has told his yacht broker to downsize him to a 96-foot craft. . . .

“In Chicago, one player (no, not that one) trimmed his planned two-month vacation to Rio de Janeiro to three weeks. . . .

“In Minneapolis, one player, tears welling in his eyes, reports not having eaten lobster ‘in days.’ ”

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Trivia time: USC played in a Christmas Festival bowl game at the Coliseum on Dec. 25, 1924. Which team was the opponent?

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Reinventing himself: Alico Dunk didn’t live up to his name as he made three three-point shots late in the game to lead East Carolina to an 82-79 victory over Evansville on Saturday at Greenville, N.C.

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Remember him? The NBA should cancel the season now instead of waiting, says Shaun Powell of Newsday.

“Don’t worry,” he said. “You won’t inconvenience too many people. Mostly, they will be the courtside celebrities who’ll miss out on precious air time. And Ahmad Rashad.”

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Malone’s tormentor: Bernie Lincicome in the Chicago Tribune: “News: Karl Malone wants out, blames Utah media for making Karl Malone miserable. Views: And the Utah media is sorry. I know he is. I talked to him.”

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Dallas doldrums: Randy Galloway of the Fort Worth Star-Telegram after the Cowboys lost to New Orleans on Dec. 6:

“There is no lower form of jock life than a team that simply mails in a game, and with postage due. This was, however, the Cowboys last week. In reality this was also the Cowboys all of last December. They quit.”

Galloway will really be sharpening his journalistic ax, since the Cowboys lost to Kansas City on Sunday.

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Heavy stuff: From the Gallery column of the San Diego Union-Tribune: “NBA star Kenny Anderson, professing unconcern about a New York Times story on his financial travails during the lockout that produced a torrent of vitriol from fed-up fans:

“ ‘Some people don’t even know of the New York Times. . . . The corporate world probably reads it. But a lot of my friends who I deal with, they read the New York Post comics and look at the pictures.’ ”

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Look out! Hulk Hogan has quit professional wrestling to run for president. “He hasn’t announced formally,” said comedy writer Alan Ray. “It’ll be next spring before he throws his chair into the ring.”

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Trivia answer: Missouri. The Trojans won, 20-7.

* And finally: New York Jet Coach Bill Parcells in an interview with ESPN Magazine:

“Winning doesn’t feel as good as it used to, and losing feels worse. This is my crack cocaine. I know it’s like an assembly line, OK? And I know some day the line is going to stop and that’s when you’re J-A-G. Just another guy.”