Four Stars Are Terrific--One Ring Would Be Better

The bandwagon’s in the shop for repairs: Isn’t it great, four Laker all-stars. Oh, joy! Oh rapture! Oh, so what?

The midwinter classic may have a purple-and-gold motif, but the West is green and yellow, which means that braying you hear is the two-star SuperSonics, laughing the last laugh.

If only the youth of America could vote for the NBA champion too, what a cakewalk it would be for the local heartthrobs! The Lakers would edge the young Timberwolves, the Pistons with that cute Grant Hill and the passe Bulls, whose presence would be a tribute to Michael Jordan’s staying power, even if he’s old enough to be the average voter’s father.

In the real world, only one honor counts, and the Lakers have to win that one on the floor. In other words, oops.

They were gallant without Shaquille O’Neal, but since his return, all the king’s horses and all the king’s men are still trying to put their pieces back together again.

Del Harris’ switch of Robert Horry to power forward moved Elden Campbell’s biorhythms to the bench, but Horry is only a fair rebounder and doesn’t seem to have made a jumper since he was a Houston Rocket.

Rick Fox is still working his way in, even with his 30-point effort against Minnesota. Role-playing forwards are OK, but they can’t get blitzed, 86-14, as they did by the Seattle and New Jersey starters.

Harris likes his ultra-athletic three-guard lineup, which solves the puzzle of how to use both Eddie Jones and Kobe Bryant. This would be great if they had a rebounding fool power forward such as Jayson Williams or Lorenzen Wright, which could be something to remember this summer. Meanwhile, they get pounded on the boards.

Of course, the Lakers are just back from an all-star digression in the name of that ever-elusive “respect.” You can sympathize with Nick Van Exel, who had been buried after last season, and Harris, who, inevitably and unfairly, is the least appreciated Laker and the first under the gun.

Nevertheless, with complaints of being cheated on assists and a vote for a non-contending center to help squeeze another Laker guard on the squad, it was getting intense here.

In the real world, the Lakers have actual problems--O’Neal’s abdomen, Van Exel’s knee, the forwards’ confidence, everyone’s cohesion--to worry about.

“Nick’s like me, he’s got a lot of heart,” O’Neal says. “My damn stomach muscle’s about to tear off in half. . . . Nick has a strong heart and he’s going to give it his all. Nick ain’t our problem.

“Certain guys have to be ready. Certain guys have to know the game and play the game. I mean, when I was in college and they doubled Chris Jackson and Stanley Roberts, I had a field day. The game is easy. If guys don’t play smart, they make the game hard. I got to get doubled. When they double me, kick it out and either hit the jumper or go to the hole.

“We just got to think. If not, we’re going to be going home early for the seventh year and I’m going to be ticked off again.”

O’Neal said he could use more help “from Rick and Elden and guys coming off the bench.” In Friday’s victory over Minnesota, he barked at Campbell for dropping a pass. At least, if Shaq goes home early, it won’t be quietly.

On the other hand, who wouldn’t trade for their problems?

“They are terrific,” Net Coach John Calipari said at midweek. “I would say, because I know Del well enough, Del will get these guys going. This game will wake ‘em up. They’ll come back and win five in a row. They’re going to beat Minnesota and they’ll be on their way.”

Of course, the Lakers have an obstacle with “Chicago” on its chest in their way.

The Bulls have one all-star and, despite winning five titles in the ‘90s, never had four. At this point, who’s counting?

SIGN OF THE TIMES?

Hope springs eternal in the Laker heart: Seattle’s veteran starters haven’t missed a single game because of injury, but it may be nip and tuck to see which goes first, their bodies or their harmony as George Karl heads to New York as West coach, where he is expected to sing an aria about management’s reticence to re-sign him for $5 million a year.

“I don’t think this team or this staff deserves to be put in a must-win playoff situation,” Karl said last week. “And that is what he [General Manager Wally Walker] is saying. That is what we are interpreting.

“No matter what we do in the regular season, we have to be successful in the playoffs to get a contract. And this team does not deserve that pressure and this staff doesn’t deserve that lack of respect. To go in putting a weight over this team because of failure three years ago is disgraceful. It is unbelievable disrespect.”

FACES AND FIGURES

More of that darn disrespect: Seattle forward Detlef Schrempf complained he got a technical he didn’t deserve because of the D-word, not to mention missing the all-star team. “Now they [Lakers] have to win the championship,” Schrempf said. “That’s what the league wants anyway. They don’t give us any credit.”

War of the Hardaways: Orlando’s Penny announced he would return from knee surgery in time for the All-Star game and participate, despite having played in only a handful of games all season, angering Miami’s Tim (no relation), who would have started in his place. “He’s coming back to play in the All-Star game,” Tim said. “If it wasn’t the All-Star game, I bet he wouldn’t be playing for another week or two.” . . . Proving they could use some help too, coaches selected all-star reserves, leaving off Chris Webber, who picked a bad time for his most recent tangle with the cops; Tom Gugliotta, Stephon Marbury and Shareef Abdur-Rahim. In the most gracious reaction to a snub in this league in the ‘90s, Abdur-Rahim noted: “I didn’t start playing this game for all-star games or things like that, so I’m not going to play for it now. I play the game because I love it.” . . . Meanwhile, coaches found room for six West guards; Boston’s wild child, Antoine Walker; and Indiana’s Rik Smits, possibly on the theory the game needs a center who has to be towed into position.

He’s b-a-a-a-c-k: Dennis Rodman was torched by Houston’s Charles Barkley, skipped a game saying he was sick, was spotted out late that night on a riverboat casino, flew to New Jersey with the Bulls, was seen at a Manhattan strip club, blew off a shootaround the next day, was sent home, reinstated before the Utah game and torched by Utah’s Karl Malone. Said Rodman: “It’s not like I did something like what President Clinton is going through right now. That’s a guy who is having a bad week. I just had a subpar week.” . . . Some callers to Miami talk shows are telling the Heat to keep Isaac Austin and trade struggling Alonzo Mourning. Said Coach Pat Riley after Mourning missed two free throws, two layups and two follows at the end of a 94-93 home loss to Cleveland: “You’re a pro basketball player. You got to make [free throws]. You can work on them all you want, but when you get up to the line, you’ve got to clean everything out of your mind and make them.” The next game, Mourning made seven of eight but missed nine of 13 shots from the floor as the Heat scored 71 points and lost to Phoenix, also at home. . . . Maybe he should give the money back: Kevin Garnett, chafing under the expectations that come with his $126-million contract: “I’m having nowhere near as much fun as I had my first two years. I don’t know what triggers it.” . . . Portland Coach Mike Dunleavy, asked why his players can’t control their emotions: “If I knew the answer to that, I wouldn’t have just majored in psychology, I’d have a PhD by now and have written five to 10 books.”