No One Seeing Red Over Optician’s Sign

I told you about the flower shop on La Brea Avenue with the marquee, “Bill Never Sent Monica Flowers.” Well, Dave Johnson of Hacienda Heights spotted a marquee in front of a Whittier optician’s business that also made reference to the scandal rumors in Washington. This sign said, “Eagerly Anticipating State of the Unions Address.”

Yes, “unions.”

I phoned the owner, Dave Schulz, and he said he often hears complaints when he takes a side in a political controversy. Had any Clinton fans complained? “Not one.”

FLASHBACK: It was a year ago, points out Preben Sorensen of L.A., that some TV stations employed a split screen during the State of the Union address. President Clinton was shown on one side, the verdicts in the O.J. Simpson civil trial on the other (the jury ruled against Simpson that evening). Sorensen wonders if Clinton will share the screen with anyone this year?

DUELING WHITE HOUSES: Writer Liz Hodgson notes that it was just the other day that this column related how an L.A. City Council aide tried to e-mail the Clinton administration but inadvertently addressed it to the White House with a “commercial,” rather than a “government,” link. And the aide reached a pornographic Web site--one that claimed that it was the scene of more “fun” than the White House in Washington.

I checked the commercial White House site Monday, and it’s no longer making that claim. Hmmm.

ORNATE ORB: A Mercedes-Benz owner shared his bill for the repair of one headlight with The Times’ Paul Dean, unable to understand how the amount could come to $1,958 (see accompanying). (Actually, with sales tax of $152.63, it came to a grand total of $2,110.63.)

Dean called the car company to check. And, naturally, there was an explanation.

Hey, this is a Mercedes--what do you think, it has ordinary equipment? The Mercedes boasts exotic, gas-filled headlights. The company spokesman quipped, “Imagine if the whole front end went and you needed two of them.” Funny guy.

TALK ABOUT YOUR WACKY WEATHERMEN . . . : The movie “Mr. Magoo” didn’t garner very favorable reviews, but it did achieve a milestone of sorts. During a scene in which the myopic hero crashes his car into a fire hydrant and gets soaked, he makes the first on-screen reference to a well-known meteorological phenomenon. “El Nino’s back!” cries Magoo.

GARFIELD THE CAT MUST BE TECHNICAL ADVISOR: Hollywood just can’t seem to break its recent habit of making movies in which dogs’ lives are at stake.

Moviegoers can see a pooch thrown into a trash chute (“As Good as It Gets”), stalked by a T. rex (“Jurassic Park: The Lost World”), frozen while relieving itself against a fire hydrant (“Batman & Robin”), trapped by a lava flow (“Volcano”), trapped during a flying saucer attack (“Independence Day”) and, perhaps, scariest of all, a passenger in a car driven by Mr. Magoo.

miscelLAny:

“At least one organization has learned how to beat the Y2KP (that’s Year 2000 Problem, for we computerphobes),” writes Michael Selsman of Beverly Hills. “My carwash’s solution is to skip it altogether, proving American ingenuity still leads the world.” He enclosed his receipt, dated May 26, 2001.

May 26? Maybe that’s a good way to skip El Nino too.

Steve Harvey can be reached by phone at (213) 237-7083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com and by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, Times Mirror Square, L.A. 90053.