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Arch, Smarch; a Really Big Mac Is the Answer

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Bernie Miklasz of the St. Louis Post-Dispatch wasn’t exactly reticent when commenting on Mark McGwire’s 70th home run.

“That’s not a home-run total; that’s an interstate,” Miklasz wrote. “Come to think of it, the stretch of I-70 that runs through St. Louis needs to be renamed as soon as possible. It has to be I-Mac. While we’re at it, let’s erect a giant, Bunyanesque McGwire statue along I-70.

“Make this monument bigger than the Arch. Have the world’s largest McGwire hold a redwood-tree-sized bat. Plant one leg on the side of eastbound I-70, and the other leg on the west side, and all motorists shall pass under him.”

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Don’t laugh. On Tuesday, the U.S Senate on a voice vote cleared a bill that would make this happen.

Sen. Christopher Bond, R-Mo., who proposed the legislation, said he borrowed the idea from Miklasz. Bond did not, however, appropriate the columnist’s suggestion about the McGwire monument.

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Trivia time: Who holds the UCLA record for yards gained rushing in a game?

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Counter-attack: “One of the many problems with Qualcomm Stadium in San Diego,” writes Peter Gammons of the Boston Globe, “is that a community of skunks lives beyond the left-field fence.

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“[On Sept. 14], one peered out from behind the fence and Padre reliever Roberto Ramirez fired a baseball at it. And the skunk fired back.”

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Any more questions? Pro golfer Glen Day, on why he has won more money this season than in the previous four years combined: “Well, I’m shooting lower scores and they pay more for that.”

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Eastern woes: The NFC East, with a combined record of 6-14 and no team with a winning record, is the league’s worst division.

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“It’s a division in disarray,” said Philadelphia Coach Ray Rhodes, whose Eagles are 0-4, as are the Washington Redskins.

“People are making light of it, calling us ‘the NFC Least.’ And, really what can you say to all the [detractors]? Right now, it truly is a bad division.”

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Hyperbole: Comedy writer Earl Hochman: “The United States losing to Italy in the Davis Cup was about as shocking as if the pope won the Indy 500 driving a Popemobile.”

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Looking back: On this day in 1984, the Los Angeles Rams set an NFL record with three safeties in a 33-12 victory over the New York Giants. Two of the safeties were on blocked punts in the end zone.

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Trivia answer: Theotis Brown, 274 against Oregon in 1978.

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And finally: Art Spander in the Oakland Tribune on the 49ers’ eased-up, 31-20 victory over the Atlanta Falcons on Sunday:

“An Atlanta cornerback named Juan Bolden took it upon himself to belittle Jerry Rice, calling him, ‘just another wide receiver.’ Sure, and Monica Lewinsky is just another White House intern.

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“Rice had eight receptions for 162 yards and two touchdowns. If Bolden couldn’t cover Jerry, the least he should have done was cover his mouth.”

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