LAUGH LINES

Daily Planet: Today is Earth Day. “Earth Day is a day to celebrate our transient nature--you know, men from Mars, women from Venus and a few odds and ends from Pluto, like Ross Perot and Michael Jackson.” (Kenny Noble Cortes)

Computer Snafu: After disappointing earnings, the CEO and CFO of Compaq have left the company. “It’s not clear whether they resigned or were fired, so industry observers are ruling it a Y2TKO.” (Joshua Sostrin)

Goes Without Saying: Ripley’s Believe It or Not wants to acquire Pamela Lee’s breast implants for its Hollywood Museum. “I don’t think this needs a punch line.” (Rudolph J. Cecera)

Frozen Assets: Wayne Gretzky got a phone call from President Clinton after his final game Sunday in Madison Square Garden. “There’s one big difference between these two guys. Wayne spent his entire career skating on thick ice.” (Argus Hamilton)

The Quest for Peace: Hillary Clinton will be going to the Balkans. “She wants to do what she can to stop the fighting and ease the bitterness. So she’s flying 5,000 miles away from Bill.” (Daily Scoop)

Say It Isn’t So: The Serbs have again closed their borders. “No, not the bookstores!” (Daily Scoop)

Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.