You Want Any Sass on That?

In the ‘30s and ‘40s, lunch counters were famous for pungent slang. You don’t hear anything comparable at a modern hamburger joint, though at espresso parlors, a decaf latte with nonfat milk is being called “WOT,” which is in the old spirit. It stands for “waste of time.”

The slang was ostentatiously cynical--or rather, full of the smart-aleck bravado of youth. A lunch counter or soda fountain job was a step or so above entry level, so the workers were mostly pretty young, but old enough to know it all, see?

Here are some examples.

margarine: axle grease (margarine was still sold in its natural white state, rather than being colored yellow)

Grape-Nuts: birdseed

Shredded Wheat: baled hay

tea: boiled hay

coffee: mud

doughnut: hunk of lead

bagels: bricks

French fries: frog sticks

ale: beetle blood

tapioca pudding: spider eggs

American cheese: wax

olives: warts

fried liver: mistake

The deepest cynicism was reserved for meat when it was served in any form but a steak or chop, because the kitchen could easily adulterate it with cheaper or less fresh meat. So stew was known as “brodie” (after a famous daredevil), “mystery” (more exactly “wet mystery,” hamburger being “dry mystery”) or even “crime.” Soup, of course, was “guess water.”

Probably this was just wisecracking. But on the other hand, the waitresses and soda jerks might have known more than we do about what was going on in those kitchens. They certainly saw enough cockroaches to have a deplorably familiar name for them, “race horses.”