COLLEGE FOOTBALL TOP 25

No. College: Comment

1. Florida State: Every year Rankman sticks neck out and picks a longshot.

2. Florida: You could open a dry cleaner business with the steam coming off Spurrier’s collar.

3. Penn State: Paterno starts 34th year citing 34 things that could go wrong.

4. Arizona: What Sports Illustrated cover in ‘94? You remember a Sports Illustrated cover in ‘94?

5. The Ohio State University: Did you know it’s called “The” Ohio State University?

6. The Tennessee: Twist on “Hee Haw” yarn: If not for good luck, they’d have no rings at all.

7. The Nebraska: Tom Osborne says Lawrence Phillips will start opener for 49ers.

8. The Michigan: Kmart inks exclusive embezzlement rights deal with school.

9. Miami: Hurricanes have been asked to save the Big East and Medicare.

10. Texas A&M;: Humbly accepts writers’ “Thank You Award” after win over K-State.

11. Wisconsin: Equipment manager still picking UCLA out of Ron Dayne’s cleats.

12. Georgia Tech: Rankman’s catchy nickname for productive WR Dez White: Dez Dispenser.

13. Virginia Tech: Unheralded and unappreciated; let’s keep it that way.

14. Colorado: New coach cancels old coach’s subscription to “Boys’ Life.”

15. Georgia: Can’t see team becoming champs without Bailey.

16. Texas: A year away, or about the time it takes to cross state in car.

17. Notre Dame: Team strengths: tradition, recruiting; weaknesses: Kimberly Dunbar.

18. Arizona State: Spent off-season touring Pentagon for defensive tips.

19. USC: Robinson offers Siegfried and Roy straight up for R. Jay Soward.

20. Purdue: Was Purdon’t until this guy Drew Brees showed up.

21. UCLA: Latest brainstorm: Put sirens on cars to park by fire hydrants.

22. Marshall: Since Randy left, rolling program has gathered no moss.

23. Arkansas: QB Stoerner didn’t trip up as many times last year as Clinton.

24. Alabama: DuBose to his players: Do as I say, not as I do.

25. Miami of Ohio: It came down to this school over Syracuse of New York.