League Has a Circus-Like Atmosphere

A review of Week 16 in the NFL, and how can anyone take the playoffs seriously when the league’s Three Stooges, the Rams, Buccaneers and Colts, have already locked up first-round byes?

Of course if they were really serious about sending in the clowns, the Chargers would have made it.

DEFINITION OF ‘FORGET IT’

* The Giants can advance to the playoffs if they beat the Cowboys in Texas Stadium and the Cardinals beat the Packers in Lambeau Field. If, somehow, the Packers defeat the Cardinals, the Giants can still make the playoffs by defeating the Cowboys by 56 points more than Green Bay beats Arizona.

“Are we a playoff caliber team?” said Jim Fassel, Giants coach. “I’m not going to dis this team right now.”

No, wait till next week.

* Carolina’s best chance of making the playoffs is to beat the Saints and have the Packers defeat the Cardinals.

Oh, and they also need the Giant-Cowboy game end in a tie.

* Oakland’s only chance of making the playoffs is a Y2K glitch wiping out the results of the regular season.

MEDIOCRITY OR PARITY?

Detroit has lost three consecutive games and will probably lose again in its season finale at Minnesota. But the Lions are in the playoffs because Green Bay, Carolina and Arizona lost Sunday.

If the Lions finish with a loss, they will join the winner of the NFC’s final wild-card berth, which will go to the Cowboys, Panthers, Giants or the Packers, at 8-8.

There has been a lot of bad football played over the years, but the NFL has never had two 8-8 teams in the playoffs in the same non-strike season.

BLINDFOLDS, PLEASE . . .

It’s that time of year again: “We have our backs against the wall,” said Kansas City tight end Tony Gonzalez.

Just where is this wall that everyone is always backing into?

JUST THINKING . . .

* If Tennessee quarterback Steve McNair could throw touchdown passes good for four, 62, two, 65 and 13 yards against the Jaguars, how many could Peyton Manning throw for in an AFC title game? Kurt Warner in a Super Bowl?

* If he could have been in two places at the same time, meddlesome Redskin owner Dan Snyder would undoubtedly have been waiting to yell at the Browns after allowing the Colts to kick a winning field goal with four seconds left. The Browns’ loss secured the No. 1 pick in the draft, depriving the Redskins of the first choice. Washington had acquired New Orleans’ choice earlier in the deal allowing the Saints to go stupid and surrender everything for Ricky Williams.

* If Indianapolis and St. Louis advance to the Super Bowl, they will have done so in part because they played a fifth-place schedule.

That means, look out next season for the Chicago Bears.

* If Tyrone Wheatley is good enough to land a $10-million contract extension from the Raiders, as he did recently, and then gain 13 yards in 12 carries against the Chargers, what’s Edgerrin James worth in Indianapolis?

* “Look around,” said Packer wide receiver Antonio Freeman. “There’s a lot of talent, but there are some guys who don’t go to work on Sundays.”

If that’s true, what does it say about Coach Ray Rhodes’ ability as a motivator?

WHO STAYS, WHO GOES?

* New England’s Pete Carroll: He’s a goner, another example of why nice guys can’t make it in the top job in the NFL.

* New Orleans’ Mike Ditka: He says he’s staying, continuing his streak of using poor judgment.

* Cincinnati’s Bruce Coslet: He should be a goner. He had a 26-38 record as coach of the Jets, and proved it was no fluke, going 21-35 to date with the Bengals. But Coslet is safe. Bengal President Mike Brown said Monday that Coslet would be back next season.

* San Francisco’s Steve Mariucci: The popular opinion is, he stays and Bill Walsh goes, but why would he want to stay? The 49ers will have to go through a messy divorce with Steve Young and Jerry Rice, and who would you rather coach, Jeff Garcia or Brett Favre?

* Oakland’s Jon Gruden: There has been a buzz around the league that Gruden might be looking elsewhere, which suggests Al Davis has been making a nuisance of himself once again. But Gruden’s the best thing the troubled Raiders have going for themselves.

* Pittsburgh’s Bill Cowher: There were more than 20,000 no-shows in Pittsburgh, the Cowher scowl no longer an attraction. The organization is going to make him play Kordell Stewart at quarterback next year. Will that make him leave?

* Green Bay’s Rhodes: The Packer faithful has turned on him, and he has coached only 15 games. General Manager Ron Wolf has given him a vote of confidence, but what if Mariucci becomes available? At the very least, there will be serious changes on Rhodes’ staff.

* Dallas’ Chan Gailey: If he doesn’t beat the Giants on Sunday, he might as well walk off the field and keep on going until he reaches the Dallas-Fort Worth Airport.

* Washington’s Norv Turner: This is the guy who would make Dallas quarterback Troy Aikman happy, but how does Washington owner Snyder fire Turner after the Redskins have won the NFC East title?

* Miami’s Jimmy Johnson: Johnson was ready to quit a year ago, but Dan Marino talked him into staying. Now either Marino goes or Johnson goes. For that matter, both might be gone when next season begins.

* New York Jets’ Bill Parcells: He was going to retire after the Jets made it to the Super Bowl this season. Now what? Defensive coordinator Bill Belichick has been promised Parcells’ job, but the Jets are going to be under new ownership, and Belichick reportedly is one of the top picks to replace Carroll in New England.

* Atlanta’s Dan Reeves: There have been rumblings that Reeves might move upstairs to satisfy health concerns and turn over head coaching duties to former Ram coach Rich Brooks, the Falcons’ defensive coordinator.

FODDER TO PONDER

Jeff George completed one of four passes for nine yards for Minnesota in the second half, while Randy Moss was one for one for 27 yards. . . . The Rams will have the home-field advantage in the playoffs. They have outscored visiting opponents, on average, 35-11. . . . Tennessee defensive back Samari Rolle has four interceptions this season--all against Jacksonville. “We just call him the Jacksonville killer,” teammate Steve Jackson said.

The Bengals had a 21-play drive, with seven plays at the goal line, and failed to score when the Ravens blocked a 20-yard field-goal attempt. . . . Kicker John Carney became the first Charger to score 1,000 points. That’s what happens when you have an offense that can’t score touchdowns. . . . Jeff Graham’s touchdown catch was the first in 27 quarters for the Chargers’ wide receiver corps.

Most teams would settle for one good quarterback but the Rams have Warner and Trent Green, and gave away Tony Banks, who has thrown for 11 touchdowns with only four interceptions for Baltimore during the Ravens’ four-game winning streak. . . . All eight of the Raiders’ defeats this year have been by seven points or fewer. The Raiders contend it is some kind of conspiracy, and as soon as they can find someone to sue, they will.