LAUGH LINES

Go Figure: The movie “Eyes Wide Shut” was No. 1 at the box office this weekend. “That was a movie? I thought it was Hillary Clinton’s Secret Service code name.” (Steve Voldseth)

Future Angel?: A baseball autographed in 1987 by the pope was up for auction. “That shouldn’t be surprising. He was a padre for eight seasons before moving to the cardinals.” (Bob Mills)

We’ll Take Those Odds: A new French-themed hotel in Las Vegas features replicas of the Eiffel Tower and the Arc de Triomphe. “Sounds great. All the fun of France without the French.” (Chris Pina)

Silly Science: According to Prevention magazine, women burn more calories walking around a shopping mall than they do walking around a jogging track. “That makes sense. See, in a shopping mall, women are dragging around their husbands. That’s a lot of dead weight to carry around.” (Jay Leno)

On the Big Screen: Suffering from poor word of mouth, “The General’s Daughter” has fallen short of box office expectations. “In fact, grosses have been so low, the film’s been demoted to ‘The Lieutenant Colonel’s Daughter.’ (Mills)

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