LAUGH LINES

Poised to Score: Atty. Gen. Janet Reno has been offered a job as a law professor at Florida State University. “And, if she wants it, a full football scholarship.” (Jay Leno)

Stands to Reason: A man who died of natural causes on the New York City subway rode around for five hours before anybody noticed. “And afterward commuters said they didn’t try to help because they thought it was just Al Gore campaigning.” (Conan O’Brien)

And the Honor Goes to . . .: The American Film Institute unveiled its picks for the greatest screen legends. The list was limited to people who made their screen debut before 1950. “Gee, tough break for the Brat Pack.” (Daily Scoop)

*

The Essential

David Letterman

Top rejected casino ad slogans:

9. “Betcha can’t lose just one paycheck!”

8. “Because actually flushing money down a toilet can clog the drain.”

7. “Come play video poker the traditional Native American way!”

6. “Now only 98% Mafia-run.”

3. “Financial ruin + Wayne Newton = Fun!”

Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.